Motivation=Satisfaction

People always tell you that "motivation is key" when you are trying to do anything that requires any sense of self. I've been struggling with it so much. This week has been brutal. Its (of course) that time of the month. LAME. when its that time, its really hard for me to get any motivation to do ANYTHING.  I thought I was off this morning, but lo and behold I'm not. so one more day that i didn't go. Needless to say, i'm a little disappointed. But I just have a hard time because i get hungry, cramps are killer, and my brain isn't in it--mainly because i can't swim afterwards--which is the main thing i look forward to. 

I was talking to Daniel earlier...its just hard for me to convince myself to go when I can't swim afterwards. Swimming makes me feel 100% better. it helps keep me stretched and so i dont get sore. Its really easy to motivate myself to go to the gym when i can swim, because i look forward to that afterwards. I push myself harder--"if i can get through these next 15 minutes, i can go swim." "If i can burn 20 more calories, I can go swim afterwards"...ect ect ect.  Like I said, swimming makes me happy. When I can't swim, its really hard on me to go. I'm sore afterwards, dont feel good, ect ect. 

Lame.

Another thing i'm struggling with is food. I've been eating with my parents the last week or so...mainly because i barely have the money for food beyond slimfast for daniel--and i save my lean cuisines for work to keep me from going to fast food...so i dont have the money to get chicken breasts (which are freaking expensive, mind you), and other items for meals.  So when they're like "oh we're having pizza, would you like to eat some?" "oh we're making your favorite--spaghetti, wanna eat with us?"  ect ect, its hard to resist, because i'm not making anything and i'm hungry. I'm not blaming it on them, its just...idk what we're gonna do when they get over here. *sigh*  I've also eaten out a lot lately...mainly because my friends want to hang out, and i dont have anything to offer them here...and i know that killssssss in calories. I've tried to do slimfast (no luck, i just cheat which defeats the whole purpose)...same with Special K....counting calories is a bitch. I dont have the patience for that. I've tried calorie count--where you type in what you eat...but omg...it takes freaking forever!!! I'm struggling for the motivation to eat well. I can get myself to the gym fine...but going to the gym doesn't make a difference when you are struggling with eating. 

I'm gonna try something over the next few weeks. Instead of eating in front of the tv--I'm gonna clean off our "catch-all" kitchen table...and try to eat there...take deep breaths in between bites...and before...drink a bottle of water (or half) before each meal or during each meal....ect ect. i've heard it helps.  granted that only helps if you are making a meal. LOL. when you're eating a 100cal bag of pop corn or a bowl of cereal, i guess it really doesn't matter. but its those dinners that count...half the time i dont really eat a lunch...because i'm at work and then when i get home i snack until dinner...or when i am home... i dont really think about it. i sit there starving and so hungry...but can't find anything to eat...so i just dont. which really isnt' the way to go.

i guess i just need help. I dont want to do restrictive. I dont want to count calories. I want to be able to eat what i want. I guess i just need to be better about portions. I need smaller plates. -.- i've always heard thats one way to lose weight is to eat off smaller plates cuz you trick your mind...well...maybe thats what i need right now...mind tricks to help me get past this.