Breaking Point

Okay just fair warning, today i'm gonna sound like Mrs. Debbie Downer, mainly because its been rough and I need to vent and cry. Its okay to cry every once and a while, isnt it?


Today was the first day I have EVER sobbed during a workout. I had to pause it at one point just to catch my breath cuz i felt like i was going to hyperventilate. But I learned something important today, thanks to my husband. Excuses will get the best of us if we let them. We gotta push through them.

I have felt useless today. Just exhausted to the point where i felt like all my limbs were made of lead and i was dragging my feet. I have NO IDEA what has caused this feeling, and I don't like it. I get it sometimes at work towards the end of the day, but i've never experienced that on the weekends, mainly because i tend to not really do much except for laundry and grocery shop. But today I woke up with an awful migrane and that just set the mood for the rest of the day.

As you all know, I do Insanity Sunday-Friday, with Saturdays being my rest day. Well, last week? I did it Sun, Mon, Tuesday, then was sick Wed-Friday. So i have gone 4 days without doing it. that did NOT help me when it came time to do it today. I usually do it right when i get up because I know i'll talk myself out of it  later in the day if i don't. Well, unfortunately, today I woke up with a migrane which I have to eat toast, drink something, and take medicine. which takes time. it took an hour and a half before that medicine kicked in. By that time? It was already 930a. I usually go to the store at 11.

I, instead of doing Insanity once the medicine kicked in, decided to read and finish laundry that i didn't finish yesterday. Then i had used the excuse "well i just ate, so i'll probably throw up." Daniel just shook his head and said "you're gonna regret this later." yeah. i did.

around noon my dad and i went to the store. I was dragging my feet the whole time. I felt and feel awful still. we got our groceries, and by the time we got home I was starving, in an ill mood, blood sugar was dropping, ect. that was 2p. It took Daniel an hour and a half to convince me to get off my ass and do Insanity. He had to force me up, tell me i had to go get dressed, and basically do everything but force me to do the moves. Am I ashamed? yes. I am ashamed at how i've been today, but i don't really know what it is. I feel like someone has drugged me and made me feel so out of it. I haven't taken anything other than sudafed and B12 which BOTH are supposed to perk you up. (sudafed for my headache).

There was one point during the dvd where i just sat on the floor and said "i give up" and i just started sobbing because i had no idea what else to do. I felt like i was chained to the floor, felt like i couldn't get up. Daniel said "i'm trying to have faith in you. Please. get up. do it. you wont regret it. I love you. You need to break the cycle." He said that if I didnt do it that i was falling into my old patterns of quitting because i didn't feel like it...making excuses because I was tired and just didn't want to do it...He was telling me the truth.

Everytime I start a new "regimen" for working out, i do it really well for a few weeks, then i slack...something ALWAYS comes up. I get "sick," or i have this or that going on, or plain 'I just dont want to anymore." every. single. time. I give up. I say "its impossible to go on, i'm never going to lose this weight." "I'm sick, this must be a sign I shouldn't keep this up." "I just don't really care anymore." ect ect. same old bullshit, same old Bethany.

but today I hit a breaking point. Thanks to my wonderful husband, i powered through. I sobbed though most of it, and once it was over I broke down. But this time i broke down because i broke through the shield of the past. I broke through and kept going. i have never felt so ashamed. i have never felt so liberated.

All this being said, i think i'll be able to do it no matter what now. i know i can do it when i feel chained to the ground. sorry for the debbie downer vibe today. just...not feeling it. its been a roller coaster of a day.

thats all for now.

hope ya'll had a great weekend.

True Colors

You wanna know something I've always wanted to do? Run.

I've always "hated it."  But what a lot of people don't know is that I used to be and still am the person that, even though I say I hate it, I secretly long to be able to do it.  As you have all seen, I've been attempting to get in shape through insanity (which will work, if i can stick with it. 12 days down, 51 to go). Well I've seen a lot of my friends running this 5k and that...and well i want to be one of those.

Well theres this website, Skinny Ms., that is having a contest. They are giving away 4 tickets to any color run in the US and by golly, i'm going for it. I think this particular 5k would be fun and would keep me going because who doesn't want to get covered from head to toe in a rainbow? LOL Plus, theres a few locations that aren't far from home, so we wouldn't have to fork over a bunch of cash for lodging/gas/ect. Heres the link to the contest for those of you who are also interested in entering. http://skinnyms.com/contest.  

Even if I don't win the four pack of tickets, I could still win some great prizes from Skinny Ms like a cookbook (i could always use more recipes!), and a 12 week program that i could do in between Insanity rounds! :)

If you haven't like Skinny Ms on facebook, you need to, btw. They always post fantastic recipes and tips. I've tried a few of them. :)


But anyways, thats about all I have for today. Just got done with Day 12 of Insanity and I'm BEAT. now if I can just go get my shower and head to work.

have a great day!

Sometimes Seeing Is Believing

If you were ever like me, you know what i'm talking about. You sit on your ass on the couch and watch TV. An infomercial comes on and you see "how much weight you can lose" or "how to get a six-pack" ect ect...and you're like "oooh  i want that, it will help..." then as you get older you notice that some of the pictures...well they look off...and you start to think that that is just a gimmick. another thing USA wants to do  to get more money.

Well, I used to think that about Insanity. I was like "that will never work." or "hah. that totally looks fake!" ect ect. BUT after doing one week? I already see a difference and feel a difference. I know its not a hype. IT WORKS...especially if you eat right and push yourself without hurting yourself.

In one week I've noticed my endurance has gotten better, I want to push myself that extra set, ect. I've also noticed that clothes are starting to fit me better. I have this one pair of jean capris that I wear to work all the time..and usually after I wash them they are SUPER tight on me. Well, i put those suckers on right out of the dryer on saturday and they fit perfectly, in fact they were kinda loose. So i was curious. I measured my waist, hips, and chest just to see....at first I couldn't believe what i was seeing. I had lost 1.5" off my waist, 1.25" off my chest, and 0.5" off my hips. O.O i was like "WHAT?!?! is that even possible?!" apparently it is. I also weighed myself and I'm down 3lbs since last Sunday. I'm not gonna say an official weight until this coming sunday when I do my fit test again...same thing with the measurements. I just wanted to see because, like i said, my clothes were fitting better and it was weird!

Something I have noticed the past two days I've been off and done Insanity is that if i eat a meal the night before that is bad for you (junk food Saturday night, Chili's last night) i have INSANE heartburn during my workout. Thats always lovely. I was like 'seriously? come on!!!" lol but other than that, its been good.  Not really looking forward to tomorrow. its Plyometrics and I am already learning to hate Plyo and its only day 2 of week 2. (day 9).

But anyways I just thought I'd share my success so far. Its crazy! I'll post my results side by side next Sunday. :)

see ya'll later! have a safe Labor Day!