Assessment Day!

So guys, today I have my assessment at Huntsville Hospital Wellness Center. FINALLY. I've been trying to do this for like...weeks...but the last couple times I've scheduled it, I have gotten sick. LOL. so...as long as I stay healthy between now and 4p today, we're good! LOL. I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last couple days and realizing that I really haven't been honest with ya'll. I've had some really bad couple of weeks, eating wise, and haven't really cared. I worked a lot and let that be my excuse.  thats not good. I need to be able to overcome these stupid fears of failure. The fear of failure just makes me want to proceed less and less.  The turning point? Realizing I have a problem.

so true. I thought I had made a commitment a few weeks ago...
but i hadn't. i had just indicated an interest. now is a time
for change.

I have an addiction. I'm addicted to eating out, fast food, ect.  I get tempted really easily and get lazy and just overall lose it when I can't have it my way...and I shouldn't let that happen. I shouldn't let myself get so bent out of shape over food, for Heaven's sake! I'm trying to be better...so...yea... My aunt, Michelle, sent me some weight watchers cookbooks and I got SOO excited. I've dog-eared so many recipes. I just sat on the couch for 2 hours last night reading them and dog-earing the ones I like. (i hope you dont mind, Michelle! I noticed you had a few dog-eared too!) I'm so happy!! these are gonna give me some good recipes that I can alter to my tastes! I also am trying to drink more water...which is a hard habit to get into. but today, i've got my water bottle filled up and my goal is to drink two of those by 4p...or at least 1 1/2.  that would be...35.55oz (ish) if i just did 1 1/2...or 47.4 if i drank two...thats only 16 oz shy of what you're supposed to drink... (8-8oz glasses = 64oz). :) i think its a good plan...its easy to drink that much water when i'm just chillin on the couch/cleaning the house....at work its not possible because I can't have my water bottle up front with me. If i was able to do that, i could probably drink 3 bottles. lol. easy. your mouth get so dry after talking so much to customers, i could probably drink 4 or 5 bottles! LOL
But I'm feeling so much more motivated this morning. I'm not really sure what caused the change...I guess selling our big tv helped...because it made me feel less stressed. I have the money put away for WICKED, and still had 100 to put in the account..as well as 35 bucks to spend at the grocery store to get some stuff for a meal... tonight we're having rosemary roasted chicken and red potatoes with roasted broccoli. :) its gonna be so good! I'm excited. I got this like..."herb pack" from Star Market last night...its got all the ingredients, all i add is some olive oil and the chicken/potatoes. :)
I really wish more meals had stuff like that...it would make cooking SO MUCH EASIER. lol. but...when we get our tax return, I plan on using some of it to get some herbs that i'll need for some recipes in these books...like oregano, more basil, rosemary, ect...I have some basil, but I'm almost out. I use basil for almost every italian recipe i make. it makes bread better, fettuccine better, spaghetti better, ect. lol. who doesn't love basil??? :)
Something I'm terribly excited to try are these recipes for cookies/brownies/tarts...some of these recipes are fantastic sounding! Like a Chocolate Rasberry Torte....and Chocolate Strawberry Shortcakes....and well...you get the point--sweet tooth, meet Weight Watchers...Weight Watchers, meet sweet tooth. i think we'll all get along just fine! I am definitely making some of these cookies today... one "puffed-up chocolate chip cookies" calls for applesauce...who would have thought of putting applesauce in cookies? not this girl! added fiber from that, no doubt. and 1 cookie is only 2 points. :) not bad. even if i have 2 cookies, thats only 4 points...and i can exchange that for 2 starch out of another meal. I think for my weight right now and stuff I need to eat about 25 points? maybe a little more...i can't exactly remember. but i'm excited to try these recipes. one of the books she sent me was "Quick Italian Favorites" and it has recipes for Insalata Caprese, a beautiful crostini with spinach, tomato, and fresh mozzarella recipe, bellini recipes (which are fantastic alcoholic beverages! LOL) and some stuffed mushroom recipes. FAN-FREAKING-Tastic! how did you know I love italian food, Michelle? LOL. the other one she sent me was a "Five Star Recipe" one which has a lot of takes on american food....and just stuff you'd see in restaurants... like banana oatmeal bread, cookies, shortcakes, raspberry-balsamic chicken, lemon-garlic chicken thighs, and of course, a southern staple--oven fried chicken thighs. :)

needless to say, most of these recipes will be made at some point over the next couple weeks! LMAO! i'm really excited to try the Three-Cheese & Cherry Tomato Lasagna. :) sounds exquisite! But anyways--I'm gonna go try to clean up the house some more...and what not. I'll update you all on my measurements, endurance, and all that after my assessment!
adios!

Frustration

Everyone in my family knows that I have always, and probably always will, struggled with letting my emotions, my frustrations, get the best of me. I have a short temper. I lose my shit easily. I get really upset easily. Let me tell you something. It still happens. I've been better since I got married, sorta; however, with me trying to lose the weight...and my birth control...its been happening more often the past couple months. I've let myself get so upset over this.
This morning, I broke down. I'm so frustrated with myself over everything right now. I've been trying so hard to keep up the motivation to work out--because having a family is my motivation. Wanting to have kids is pushing me to want to get this weight off.  However, I find myself sinking back into old habits. I do really well for a couple weeks, then i just give up. I blame it on work, most of the time. I'm working so much and stuff that it just gets in the way. I'm hoping I can change that....I'm trying to plan things out better, but it just seems like it will never end.  I know this is reality and I need to suck it up and get over it. I just can't help but feeling like I'm losing my grip on this. When I get busy, I get lazy--which is not good. When I get lazy, I don't feel like cooking, so I end up wanting to order something or go get fast food--BAD HABIT. Thats how it used to be in my family, thats how I grew up, its what i know. When my parents didn't feel like cooking--it was pizza night, or bk night, or whatever. I mean, it happens. Busy family with 4 kids? I'd be doing the same thing! I wouldn't want to cook every day either! I dont now...LOL.
My aunt is gonna send me some weight watchers stuff and I'm gonna try to do that. I have a hard time keeping up with how many calories I'm eating. I dont know how many calories are in a serving of most of the recipes i make, and so i just kinda "go with it". lol. I'm hoping the weight watchers cookbooks and what not will help me because those will have nutritional info with the recipe--which always helps. I guess my biggest issue is food. I can get myself to the gym. Its the eating right and watching my calories I have an issue with.  And this morning, like I said, I just lost it. I'm so frustrated with myself for letting myself down. AGAIN. it seems like just when I start doing something right, I start messing it up all over again.  I just do it over and over again. Its like a really bad merry-go-round. My weight goes down, then back up, then back down, then back up...all according to my work schedule and stress level. they coincide quite well. unfortunately.

so i need assistance from you guys. words of advice, encouragement, ect. i'm having a hard time staying on track...and i really thought this blog would help me...but it seems like i just get on here and rant...then do nothing about it. this was for you guys to help me stay accountable. i need accountability, and encouragement. I am finally going to try to do my assessment at the gym this week (if something opens up, otherwise it will be next week. as for right now, got some cleaning to do...so, adios!

Busy Busy Bee

okay. so. i've been...as you would say...very busy the last week. Its been ridiculous!!! I've been back and forth and trying to do what i can and its just been hard to do anything but sleep when i get home. Needless to say, I haven't been very good about going to the gym this week. I haven't been once. -.- However, Daniel and I did take a 3.4 mi walk on Tuesday. It was my only off day. Monday I took off from the gym thinking i'd have time to go the rest of the week--i was wrong. I have been going from Kohl's to Latham (subbing) and today i'm going from Latham to Kohl's. Daniel and I are gonna go today when i get done at Latham, so thats good. and I'm gonna try to go tomorrow as well. I need to go tomorrow. I haven't been bad with my eating, per say, but I haven't been great either. the past two days two of my meals were cereal. then last night i had red robin and wednesday night we had taco hell. because i dont have groceries to cook. 

Something i have an issue with is planning my meals. I dont know what to cook. All the things i want to cook (spaghetti, burgers, fettuccine alfredo, ect) are all NOT healthy. its irritating. because aside from those, i have no idea what to cook. I just did grilled chicken, but i feel weird doing that for every meal. idk. i need ideas...recipes...ect. Daniel is so close to his goal...he only has 8lbs left, so i dont want to tempt him...once he gets his down, and gets in...then i will be able to chill out and start really focusing on my weight. I mean I'm focused now. I know i need to get mine down. I just...i feel like i need a personal trainer. I feel like i need to go on the Biggest Loser so that they can get me out of my home, away from temptation, and start new habits...because being here? I'm around all my old habits and temptations and i keep falling to it over and over...I'm scared. I'm scared i'm never gonna be able to do this. :(

help?