Changes

So much has happened in the month since I last posted. I've decided to go back to school, turned 24, did my first maternity sessions, attended a banquet for Daniel's group here, had my best friend and my brother visit, AND finally got under 230--all within a month.

Got my parking pass and ID!

Its been a busy month thats for sure. I decided back on July 10 that BAM I was ready to go back to school. After tossing it around in my head for months (really the past year or longer), I decided. It took my husband staring me down and saying, "DO YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELF?! You obviously want to do nursing, you are very passionate about it and the only thing holding you back is fear." Welp, thanks hubs. haha He didn't say it exactly that way, but thats basically what he told me. So yes, I'm going to school for nursing. I start my prereqs on Monday, actually. I'm going for my ASN--but that could change if we move and a college where we end up doesn't have an ASN program. From there, I plan to do an ASN-BSN or ASN-MSN bridge program...then eventually, after I've had my babies, become a CNM (Certified Nursing Midwife). I've always been passionate about babies, children, and pregnant women. I think this is the path I'm meant for. I still plan on becoming a Doula as well, so that will help me with my nursing career as well. I'm really excited, but I'm also terrified. The thought of having to sit through classes and all the BS that is college (the costs, ect)---it scares me. Luckily this semester and next I have myCAA (scholarship for military spouses that covers 4000 TOTAL) AND Pell Grant, so I should be good on getting everything. Its once myCAA runs out that I start getting nervous--but Daniel and I have a plan for what we're going to do, and it should all run smoothly. :)

At the dolphin show!

Getting to see my bestie was probably one of the best birthday presents I could get! We had so much fun and just really enjoyed each other's company. We went up to Atlanta on my birthday (since the weather completely crapped on my plan to go to the beach! boooo) and went to the GA Aquarium--one of my favorites! Though, remember this--DO NOT GO THERE ON THE WEEKENDS. EVER. that is all. lol it was packed and hard to maneuver which makes it less enjoyable, but it was still fun. My favorite part was the first 30 minutes that we spent in a Dolphin Show. It was super cheesy, but it was awesome too. I loved the dolphins. I want that job. hahahahaha

goofin off before lunch at The Rookery

Me and Tesla! Dork!

My brother's visit went well too. I really enjoyed having him here and was super sad to see him leave. We're so close and its always hard to say goodbye to him. :\ We went up to Macon and tried a new restaurant called The Rookery--sooo good! Best burgers and fries I've ever had! (They also had a really good Root Beer Float--one of David's all-time favorite desserts!) I went to Mass with him as well, and that was awesome. I really enjoyed it. We also went to see Guardians of the Galaxy--SO GOOD! :D Daniel and David enjoyed it too. lol Titan got his best bud Tesla to visit too, so much fun!

One of my favorite maternity shots!

Maternity pictures are also by FAR my favorite. I enjoyed getting the shots they most want and seeing the joy on their faces when I show them their pictures. So amazing.

Sorry I'm being a little ADD with my post--I'm just trying to cover anything I missed telling you guys over the last few weeks. haha. 

Before the banquet

The banquet was fun--I'm really hoping we can go to the AF Ball in Sept as well. That would be so cool! I enjoy dressing up and looking pretty. :)  

I guess that is really about it. I had a bunch I wanted to write today, but for some reason now I'm drawing a blank. :\ I blame stress. lol 

anyways. I hope you guys have a great weekend. 

-Beth

The Comfort Zone

We all have it. That little happy routine and place where we repeat over and over. The one thing we can't seem to shake. The place we go to hide when everything else is uncertain.

I've been stuck in mine for years.

Until today. Well really, 2 weeks ago. But today REALLY starts getting me out of "the zone."

I've always been one to make sure we had breakfast food when it was breakfast, lunch food when it was lunch, and dinner food when it was dinner--no questions asked...except for the occasional breakfast for dinner just for kicks and giggles. I've always been the one to sit at home, watching TV, wondering--much like Rapunzel from Tangled--When will my life begin?

I have my prince charming already--oh yes. Daniel is my knight in shining armor (or should i say Airman in green camo?), he is my everything---but when I ask myself, when will my life begin?, I'm moreso asking when will I get my crap together and actually START my life. Losing the weight, starting my family, ect. When  will I be brave enough to step out of that comfort zone I've been in for so long? The answer up until now was "eventually."  Two weeks ago that changed. Two weeks ago I took a leap of faith and saw a personal trainer. He is pretty awesome. He's only 20/session, which isn't bad--so that helps. I just can't go see him every day...sometimes I may only be able to see him once a week--but I see him. Accountability--its what matters. Then, Daniel and I were talking about his nutritional plan. We decided it would be best for me to do it. Tim (my trainer) has full faith that it will help me. It didn't cost an arm and a leg to do either, so that makes it easier.

Today is Day 1. I had a lot of anxiety after getting my "meal plan" and workout plan. I am not the one to eat the same thing over and over....but there it was in black and white--Meals 1-6--for the next 30 days. O.O  let me just say, I had a minor freak out. LOL especially because I saw that I will be eating Steak and oatmeal for breakfast. SAY WHAT?! yeah. I dont do normal food for breakfast. but alas--i woke my butt up this morning (much groaning from me because Daniel just got home at 7 so i only got like..10 minutes of snuggle time this morning! :( boo!) and I cooked a steak. I love steak. I'm actually glad i'm doing this plan. Daniel doesn't like steak. so now i get to enjoy my steak every morning for the next month. I might get tired of it, which again would be good for Daniel. ;) LOL

All in all, I think this will be good for me. Its completely cutting dairy and sugar out of my diet--except for a "dot" of honey that I'm allowed SOMETIMES on my oatmeal if i get bored of the flavor. But it will give my body a chance to heal and see if I might have some intolerances to dairy that i didn't know about. I dont drink milk, i just can eat my weight in greek yogurt--it is my go-to snack. haha as for sugar...i have been thinking about cutting out sugar the past couple months, so that one was welcome....even if it means i can't eat a banana or strawberries or blueberries... I'll survive--its only for a month. :)

Aside from all the new changes in my diet and workout life--i also have other changes in my life. As of this friday, I'm no longer a nanny. The hours were getting to be too much and I was overstressing--as were they. So we both decided it would be best if they put Jack back in daycare. It was mutual, and I'm still going to be their go-to babysitter for weekends or if no one can pick jack up when he needs to, I'll go get him--ect ect. :) So thats good. I'm a little stressed, but I know we'll make it work. I'm trying to get on board with a more part time job, and I've also decided to be more involved with AF doings. :) I'm going this weekend to meet with a few ladies about becoming a Key Spouse for Daniel's squadron. I will be a point of contact, I will organize get togethers, I will help wives out if their hubbies are deployed, I will help them out if they just need it. Something I LOVE doing--helping others. I'm really hoping I am able to do it. I am also thinking about being the Point of Contact for something called Cinderella's Closet. Basically--i'd be a dress consultant and help them find the perfect dress for the occasion and I will keep track of inventory and whatnot. So thats awesome. I have to meet with the board and talk to them though, so we shall see. I'm just trying to be more involved. I'm hoping that by involving myself I will be less depressed, less out of sync. I really want to be happy here, at least for Daniel. We've got *at LEAST* another year, if not 2 here. I best make the most of it.

I think one reason I'm having a hard time is I dont really have any friends--not like at Keesler. I have my best friend here, but we don't see each other daily. Well, we used to--but then life happened. haha. At keesler I was used to constantly doing something with Lani and Nichole, so I think that really got me spoiled. haha  I'll get over it though. I'm trying, I'm trying to find more friends, I'm trying to branch out and do more for the squadron, and most of all--I'm doing my best to support my husband. Thats why I'm here. I love him, I cherish him, and I am here for him--to support him. I am one lucky woman.


As for now, I think thats everything. I'm pretty sure I'm about to go to Ross--even though I wanted Daniel to go with me so he can try on a shirt--I dont want to lose that dress! OHH. Yeah, thats right I didn't say anything in here. We are attending our first formal military event! Its the 5th MOB's 50th anniversary next week, and we got the honor of being able to attend the banquet! I'm so excited! So of course that means, getting my nails done, doing my hair pretty, and having a BEAUTIFUL gown. I hope. *fingers crossed* that its still at Ross, lol. It was so pretty though, I'm scared it will get snatched up!

Anywho, I hope all of you are having a great week! I will post more often now that my schedule is opening up....maybe. Haha you know me, I always say I'll try to post more and life just often gets in the way!

Have a great HUMP DAYYYYYYY. :)

-Beth

Just for kicks and giggles--look how big my wedding dress is on me!

Never Boring

Life has been crazy...isn't it always? I got to see my sweet little nephews, Skyler and Colton, on May 18. That was the first time I've seen them in over 2 years, and the last time I saw them was literally for 15 minutes. I've missed them.

me and my sweet nephews! 

We had a really good visit, and I wish Daniel had been able to accompany me (he was on call with his shop the entire weekend. boo). I also wish my parents, little sis, and little bro could have seen them. I know they've missed them as well. But anyways. I love these kiddos. :)

The week after that, we had our friends from Keesler come up. So much fun! I have missed them so incredibly much. I didn't realize just how much I'd missed them until they got here! It had been about 9months since we had seen them last. :(  We had an incredible visit, I cooked a lot, and we just enjoyed their company. I cried when they left. Oh it hurt. I felt like I had left keesler all over again. It was so hard to pull myself out of it. I was on the verge of being depressed--and thats never a good feeling. I broke down with Daniel. I miss those 6 months we were at keesler-minus him being in tech school. Idk it was different there. Here--I feel alone. I have a couple of friends...but I just feel lonely. :\ Its harder here.

on the other hand, there are a lot of good things going for me right now. one of those being--I got a personal trainer! I had my first session this past monday. It was an eval, so thats nice. but he's only $20/session and doesn't have a contract, so if I can't afford him, then I just don't go that week--no harm no foul. Love it. He's super nice too.  I also have never had a complete stranger be so encouraging. You want to know what he told me? First off he told me he was impressed with me. Which...I was slightly taken aback at first (meaning he had preconceived notions based off my weight), but then I was proud at what my body had accomplished and I knew thats what he meant as well. Second--he told me that I was going to do amazing things. BAM. i almost cried. haha (i have been an emotional wreck this week, sooo sue me). I've never had someone that was a complete stranger tell me anything like that before. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know who I am--really. We met, he did my eval, bam done. So for him to tell me I'm going to do amazing things... just wow. I felt so happy the rest of the day and fully encouraged. God knew I needed that boost of confidence. ;)

So I'm planning on seeing him 2x/week--as we can afford it. I'd love to do his 6 month nutritional program...but we dont have an extra hundred bucks laying around--boo. i'm going to try to save up for it. :)

I've also been fighting a LOT of headaches--especially this last week. I'm assuming either because a) something is out of alignment in my back or b) i'm sleeping funny...or c) i'm clenching my teeth AND sleeping funny. all i know is I'm sick of it. haha ibuprofen, naproxen, tylenol, excedrin... i've tried it all. lol even claritin, zyrtec, and sudafed. and peppermint YLEO--which now i probably can't live without because it is amazing! lol

but anyways. I guess thats really it for today. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. been trying to post a blog for like..2 weeks but couldn't really find the words to say. :\ i do apologize for me jumping to random subjects. lol a tad scatterbrained today. I need a vacation. *sigh*

Hope you guys are having a terrific week.

Its Never Easy

Wow, these last few weeks have been crazy. I started my new job back in the beginning of April, and that keeps me pretty busy. I'm working about 40ish hours most weeks (sometimes only 30, but for the most part, 40), so its been pretty much full time. I have been trying to get to the gym and cook and clean and most of the time? Cleaning goes amiss.

I've been feeling rather discouraged lately. Today a lot more than usual. I don't know, I just feel like my weight is never going away--and thats a terrible thing. If I think this way, it makes me sad...sadness doesn't help me, it hurts me. I get so frustrated. I've been the same weight for the last 3 weeks. I didn't lose anything on my 24 Day Challenge... I felt better, yes, but didn't lose anything. I've been working out consistently (at 430, mind you). We eat clean... we haven't eaten out since David's graduation last weekend--which really is a feat for us...and we hadn't eaten out in a week or so prior to his graduation...so we've been doing really good. I DONT UNDERSTAND.

I'm so frustrated right now. I just... I dont know. Maybe its because I'm so stressed all the time? I try to relax, but theres always so much going on and I can hardly do anything anymore. Its stressful trying to carve time to go to the gym. I NEED to go to the gym more not less. I can't. :\ Idk if I need to add more? I dont want to burn out, but I also NEED to lose this. I need it to be gone. I'm so tired of trying at this point. I know its not going to happen overnight, but its just frustrating. I feel like I've been with this constant battle for years and getting NOWHERE.

Daniel and I finally decided when we would stop preventing, so in other words, start trying to start our family. When I hit 175. I feel like thats never going to happen at this point. We set up little mini goals. my first one? To get past 230. I'm supposed to be at that goal by the 18th. I should have been down to 231 or 232 for that to happen. I'm not. I've been sitting at 234-237 for the past month. I'm. SO. over it. I don't know. I try. I really do. We eat so good when we're home. Going back and forth between my nanny job doesn't help, but its not that bad. I usually take my own food with me so i will have plenty of healthier options to eat (instead of always eating the baby's food--lol that used to be my biggest downfall when i'd babysit!!!) but for some reason i never budge.

I've been thinking a lot about sugar lately. Maybe I should cut it out? I eat a lot of berries, greek yogurt, and bananas--though after entering a banana into MFP--i have already cut back on those a TON. they have over 40g of sugar in ONE BANANA. ridiculous. Never would have guessed it... I just dont really know how to cut back on it while still enjoying it...If i completely cut it out--that automatically sets me up for failure...because I'm putting a big YOU CANT EAT THIS label on it...so therefore--reverse psychology kicks in and i'm like MUST EAT ALL OF IT I CAN. lol I dont know.

I'm just really feeling discouraged.  I'm just tired of it. I wish I could just wish it all away. :( I'm ready to start my family, and I'm the one holding us back. :(

Thats all for today I guess. I can't really think of anything else.

-Beth

Allons-y!

Ah, my favorite phrase from my favorite Doctor. ;)  He would use this phrase all the time when he was entering an area he'd never entered, when he was facing any new battle or challenge. I figured this was a fitting title to my post today. My definition of Allons-Y is the equivalent of "here goes nothing!"

Its been about two months since I posted last. Not too much has changed, but there are some things going forward that yes, I am terrified of. Yes, there will be new challenges. yes, I am ready for it. so?

ALLONS-Y!

I am ready for it. I have a new found hope to my weight loss. I know I know, you guys have heard me go back and forth. But.... the thing is... I never admitted to myself why I was having so much trouble. Until the other night. Hubs and I were doing our devotional (Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs--fantastic one! get the workbook too!) and we were discussing some things that he needed to work on according to the book...and it got us talking about some things I needed to work on...and all of a sudden I said it. What I guess I knew at the back of my mind, but never admitted, even to myself. 

"I don't believe in myself."

Let me just tell you, coming to that realization.... admitting it to myself and to my husband... it was hard. Once I realized what I said, I broke down. Its true. I dont believe in myself. I dont think I can do it. I realized that is what has been holding me back. As soon as I start to get in a good habit and start doing well, I freak out and stop trusting myself and God.... I let myself fall backwards. I can't do that anymore. Something happened that night when I admitted that to myself. I have felt like a new person, felt like I can do this...because of course, my husband was very adamant about how much he believed in me and how he KNEW i could do this. 

Why don't I believe in myself? Well, to be honest--its all in my past. I grew up overweight, in an overweight family. My friends were, for the most part super skinny. I grew up watching them wishing I could be that weight, but at the same time going home and eating whatever I wanted. We ate starches and breads with our big portions of meat. I ate ice cream like it was going out of style. I tried all the fads out there, and would gain the little I lost back. I didn't allow myself to venture into the unknown territory, and now, I have a fear of it. Some may say thats crazy, but its a true fear. I want to have children, but I need to lose weight before I get pregnant. That KILLS me. Because when I think i can't lose the weight, then i start thinking "omg, i'm never going to have babies of my own." And thats not good for me.

But, like I said, this God-sent message to myself....I needed to say it. I needed to admit it. Because now? I know how to FIGHT it. I may still have a hard time believing in myself (hey, its only been 3 days!), but I know why I'm having issues. I know the root of it. As long as I stay in the Word, my husband encourages me like he's so good at, and I surround myself with friends who want the same things--i'll get there. As I reach goals, I'll start believing in myself again. Its just hard to do after so many "failures."  

I have started Weight Watchers again. I did so well on it when I was consistent with it. So as long as I stay consistent, set goals like I did for Daniel's BMT grad, and really hunker down on what foods I'm making, I should be good as gold. :) 

My first goal? I would like to be 15-20lbs down by April 7. I start my new job as a nanny that day. :) (Like i said, lots going on, new challenges, should be fun!) That gives me about 7 weeks to lose it, so thats about a 2lb/week loss minus the first week or two which should be slightly higher losses (*hopefully*).  Lets hope I start believing in myself soon, right? 

Started out this morning with a gym workout with my amazing hubs. Yes, we got out in the FREEZING COLD rain/sleet at 5 AM to workout. was I happy about it? NOPE. I wanted to curl back up in my warm bed and sleep. Did I push myself anyways? Yup. :)  I did two laps jogging, one lap walking, two laps jogging, one lap walking, 2 laps sprinting the short sides/jogging the long sides, walked a lap, 2 laps sprinting short sides/jogging the long sides, walked 1/2 lap, jogged short sides, sprinted one long side, walked half lap, jogged short sides, sprinted one long side, then did a walking cool down for 2 laps. so that was a total of 15 laps (on a 0.1mi track) in about 30 minutes. I'd say it was a pretty good workout...i was surely sweating up a storm!  I was supposed to swim later, but I'm pretty sure the roads are going to be an icy mess. Maybe I'll just do some planks, cruches, and pushups later. :) 

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over the next year! They will be exciting, difficult, fun, and wonderful. Here's to challenges! 

Allons-y!

-Beth