Excuses

everyone makes excuses--whether it be for what they eat, how they act, what they look like, ect.... sooo its just natural to come up with my own...even though i know its dumb.

I've had a lot going on, and life's been crazy, and works been crap.....those are my general excuses. this weekend? craaazzyyy...luckily I haven't gained anything...still sitting right where i've been. I've had a couple of lightbulbs flash on at work during naptime (apparently when the lights go out, my brain turns on....) and i think these ideas are really gonna help me.

The hardest thing for me right now is the "on the go" lifestyle. I feel like i'm always going going going and never stopping. I mean, my weekends are usually chill, but those are the only days...by the time i get home from work during the week, I'm plum exhausted. just ready to eat dinner and go to bed.

One thing you guys will be glad to hear--i'm done with slimfast. I've read so many things about just how bad they are for you, so i'm done. I've turned to healthier options and more filling options. My parents and I are going to come up with a "plan" so to say for dinners. we're each going to cook 2 meals/week. that only leaves 1 day without anyone cooking....if one of us feels like it, we can...if we dont, we can do something small...or lauren said she would even want to cook depending on what her work schedule would be. This would help cut back on the "i have no clue whats for dinner..." on the fly kind of eating...which never ends well.

I know i've made a lot of excuses. I'm gracious to the few of you who have called me out on it too. I need that. (just as long as its done privately not publicly).... I'm motivated to lose the weight-especially after watching this TLC show called "Obese and Expecting"....i DO NOT want to go there. -.-  I want to be healthy when I get pregnant. I dont want to worry about GD or Preeclampsia or any of that mess.  My problem is not the "lack of motivation"...its the focus. I lose focus when "life comes at me fast". And it takes me forever to gain that focus back. but this time i got the focus back a little faster and I owe it all to God. I've been praying and Daniel has been praying for me too... This isn't easy, and I need His help.

I'm hoping that everything will start to chill out soon so working out and all this stuff will start getting easier. lol. I know it wont be completely easy...but it will get easiER. lol.

anyways. thats just my little excerpt for tonight. i just wanted to let ya'll know whats on my mind and how i feel right now.

I am going to call the gym tomorrow and try to see if i can get a "personalized plan" for working out since i never did that when i had my little consultation. Maybe they can get me something that will work better than 45 minutes on the elliptical. I keep reading that you need variation in your workouts...and while doing the hour and a half on the elliptical every day that worked for Daniel, that wont work for me. 1) i'm a woman. 2) i'm heavier than him.

so...we'll see how that goes.

thanks for all your support!! :D

Off The Beaten Path

Oh boy...here's where "confessions" comes in. lol. I've had a rough couple weeks. I haven't gained any (Thank you, God!) but boy am i surprised at that. I haven't been as good. At all. I'm starting to realize just how hard it is to keep up with stuff like this when you are working full-time and attempting at having a life... LOL

so last week, we did o.k......up until my dad asked what we wanted from chik-fil-a and i obligingly told him my order, ate it, and felt AWFUL afterwards...so i vowed--ahhh, i wont do that again this week. -.- well. i disappointed myself 3 more times. LOL. well....4 or 5 really. So Tuesday, not only did i work all day, i also had a "training class" at 630p downtown....so i was like "oh man, i'm just gonna do a slimfast, we'll be good." so i drank a slimfast, had a cheese stick, and left. was in that class for a little over an hour and a half ...and was STARVING and shaking when i got done. so i stopped at Krystal (dont ask...random cravings...really gotta stop that). and at that at 8p. at night. yeah...not too proud. Wednesday, I had an AWFUL day at work...so as an attempt to get my mind off it, Daniel took me to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Chili's. I actually didn't eat too terribly there...i barely ate any of my steak or fries...and saved it for lunch the next day...idk...something about me being so upset made me queasy or something.... then thursday i ate pretty well.... but we went to bed really late thursday night because Ashley came over...then David showed up (he wasn't supposed to be home til friday!) lol so we were up a while... so we didn't go to the gym at 5 Friday morning. I haven't been since. -.- BECAUSE...

Friday night i got home from work in an awful mood, and i wanted to go out for drinks. so we got ready, and headed to Mellow Mushroom and had drinks. I had 3 of my faves, and that about did me. I was super giddy the rest of the night. we went and saw the 1045 showing of The Avengers, and from what I remember of it, it was really good.  I did refrain from getting popcorn......partially because its expensive and we have no money. LOL. but so i woke up Sat with a killer headache that did not go away really until yesterday afternoon sometime. (alcohol + crazy a** alabama weather=migrane) so no gym. either day. but i didn't eat awful...partially cuz i felt awful. lol. 

today? didnt go to the gym because once again, we went to bed late because the power went out while my sheets and comforter were in the washer/dryer. -.- that was lame. but yeah...planning on getting back on it probably tomorrow...but idk...may wait til next monday just cuz it seems like this week is gonna be a crazy one and idk... i feel bad...i haven't logged any calories since last friday...and stuff...but... i just...idk... I keep telling myself it will get easier when Daniel is in basic...because i can really focus on me...but i need to START now. if i don't, i'll be wayyy behind. 

I need help. I need a different schedule or something.... i was doing really good for a while there...almost thought it was working...but then last Monday just kinda killed it and idk... Daniel said when he was losing the weight, he had that happen...where he'd be doing really good then one meal and KABLAMO there went his self-control. -.-  idk... i thought having a full-time schedule would keep me busy enough to make it easy...but it doesn't when we can't eat anything but the kid's calorie-laden foods. what am i supposed to do when i'm shaking and need to eat something, and all i have sitting in front of me is a hamburger and tater tots?? let my blood sugar get so low that i get a killer headache i can't get rid of or even worse, pass out? I think not. I'm hoping my blood sugar issues will go away as i lose weight...but i doubt it. 

On a plus side, I have noticed some changes. (TMI)_my bras are all too big. like...i could fit another whole b-cup boob in there with mine. -.- like seriously? i've only lost 8lbs, what the heck? laaamee. I told Daniel at this rate when i get down to my goal weight of 130, I'll probably be an a-cup. he about cried. LOL

*sigh*  

anyways. idk. i guess i just wanted to let you guys know that this past week was awful...and i haven't had time to sit down and admit anything to ya'll yet. so here ya go. ya'll really do help keep me accountable. Idk. I just wish there was an easier way to stay on track. I know its never going to be easy...but...for some reason, i just let myself go. Again i repeat  I HAVE NOT GAINED ANYTHING. yet. so thats good. I'm still sitting at 250. just haven't been able to get below that yet. I know I need to just keep pushing on.  I cried to Daniel the other night...i feel like i always do this. Its a form of self-sabotage. This is what i've always done. i do good for a few weeks...then BAM...goodbye weight loss, hellooooooo fat!  idk. I know i need to have better self control than that...but its awfully hard...specially in my situation. 

well...if you have anything you'd like to tell me, let me have it. i need a good kick in the butt right now. 

adios

The Exhaustion Workout

So today I probably made a huge mistake by going to the gym. Don't get me wrong, i'm glad i went...but its gonna set me up for one hell of a day at work, especially with Myra still being gone. The reasons I think i made a mistake by going you ask?
1) I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep last night.
2) I'm still sick, and felt awful when i got up.
3) I was sore as anything from my run yesterday.

I really hope i didn't hurt myself today. my foot started killing me about halfway through my cardio...but i pushed through it. I feel awful though. like usually after my workouts, i feel awesome...but i just feel like crap today. I guess its because my body is exhausted and I just made it more tired.

All you fitness gurus out there, what do you do to get past stuff like this? I didn't want to take a rest day because I missed last Thursday and Friday and I knew i would hate myself if i didn't go...but now i feel terrible...what do you guys do to get past this kind of thing? its awful. :(  I'm going to be miserable all day today. chances of me sleeping on my lunch break instead of eating? 95%. lol. I think i'll take some excedrin back and body and some B12.

maybe that will help...i hope.

I'm sorry today is more of a "rambling" post. I'm kinda out of it. idk. just ready for it to be 8p so i can go back to bed...and hopefully sleep tonight. lol. tomorrow is a rest day...and i'm gonna need that because not only do i have work from 830-530, i have a class from 630-830. -.- remind me why i do this to myself? granted its not like i wanted to do the class. i have to for work. which is lame. they should have classes on the weekends or something so we don't have to go after dealing with crazy children all day. when we are tired. and aren't going to pay attention at all. bleh.

anyways. i guess i need to get ready for work. sorry not much to post about this morning. not really in the mood to type. :(

Almost there...just a little bit further....

The title of this post kinda goes towards everything...When I'm pushing myself at the gym or outside, with Daniel's Air Force stuff, with work... WITH THE SCALE. :D

I weighed in this morning at 251.0!!! Thats a total of 7.6lbs! I am ALMOST to the 10lb mark and that makes me extremely happy!!! This will be the first time I have been under 250 since before Daniel and I were dating!! (for those of you who don't know, Daniel and I started dating October of 2008...sooo...4 years...) and i was probably that weight for a while before then...i didn't weigh myself much at all...i could probably find out from my dr (he was the only one who ever weighed me back then). I'm so excited! Then it will only be another 20lbs til I'm to my freshman year of high school weight....and then it all goes down from there! ALSO i do not believe I have been under 200 since 6th grade? i think thats about when i stopped growing...but I'm pretty sure i was over 200 back then. I dont remember. I know I never weighed myself back then. (again, my dr probably knows. lol)

Today was a fun day...(if you could call it that). I am still fighting all this sinus crap which really makes it hard to focus when working out...or just plain working. I have been miserable at work the past few days. yuck! But anyways. This morning, it was super hard to get up for the gym...but we got up, i ate a granola bar, and we went. I did my usual 30min on the elliptical, 60 crunches on the balance ball, standing leg lifts, and some random arm stuff with the 2lb weights. just trying to tone as i go. Daniel commented that I don't really have anything to be worried about in the ways of excess skin because of all the stretching and toning stuff i do. I seriously stretch all the time. I have weak ankles. weak wrists. weak knees. because i'm fat. I have to stretch. all the time. I do the ones from ballet....even use the bar! lol its funny how much dance stuff i remember seeing as i haven't set foot in a dance studio since i was like..10. but i loved it, and i guess thats why i retained it.

So after all that at the gym this morning, we came home, i ended up getting that special monthly visit (gee thanks, really appreciate it, AF!), a camel cricket was waiting for me in the shower, and then i went to work.  came home on lunch and ate taco bell (i know i know, tsk tsk, so sue me) went back to work, and then after a 9 hour day at work, came home and chilled...then daniel and i went for a 3mi jalk. (jog+walk) We did it in about 50min...which isn't bad for a fatty like myself. thats about 3.6mph on average. Needless to say, I'm SOOO ready for bed. lol. which is actually where I'm blogging from tonight. Not my usual computer desk or couch but my nice big comfy bed. with my cats. (Sadly, their grandma isn't home tonight, so they have no one else to bother but their very own mommy...lol) Oreo about scared me to death because she pushed the door open and i didn't hear it and then POP there was a cat on my lap. i was like "uhm..do you want me dead, kitty? cuz then who would feed you?" lol she just looked at me and laid down. -.- doofus.

*sigh* Anyways. I just wanted to share my VICTORY with you. I'm excited. and ready. and motivated. and AHHHHH. Just ready. I know it takes time. I look forward to this journey though. Even though I know there will be trials and tribulations along the way, I really do look forward to it. It helps when you have someone so loving and supportive of you...My husband has been the best motivator I have ever had. I love him so much. And my family has helped too. I'm so grateful that God has given me all these wonderful people to keep me going! That means you, Lori, Cindy, Mimi, Papaw, Mrs. Sandy, Ashley, and all my other wonderful friends. I couldn't do this without you. Ya'll are amazing.

Love ya'll! Will hopefully post again on Friday!

-Beth

Sinuses and The Gym

This morning was rough. I woke up a few times during the night because of my sinuses...and all that fun stuff...then got up at 5 and went to the gym. I'm exhausted. Not only that, but it was really hard to push myself at the gym this morning. I kept having to clear my throat, my nose was running, i felt nauseous, and i was just physically tired. However, I managed to power through it and get my 30 minutes in on the elliptical. I also did my 60 crunches on the stability ball with 4lbs. and some leg lifts. and some squats...and now i'm sitting on the couch drinking coffee hoping it will be enough. lol.  I do believe I will be in need of some B12 today. I'm curious (to those of you out there who take supplements), is it better to take the B12 in the morning or on my lunch? I'm fine with taking it at either time--the thing with taking it on lunch is it helps me power through my afternoon at work. But idk if thats why i stayed up so late the last time i took it...so... i guess i will try taking it this morning and see if it will work better....

also--is it better just to take B12, or should i take a prenatal (i've found prenatals are gentler on my stomach than other multivitamins--plus it never hurts to start taking them before you get pregnant! i've heard it actually helps!) I was a little discouraged today...mainly because my stomach is acting up and i didn't go down any and i just feel awful...so...i had to have some words of encouragement from the hubby. Its gonna be a long hard road ahead of me...I've never lost more than 10lbs (only to gain that back), so....if i can get down past that mark--and keep going down, i'll be more apt to feel more encouraged. Its just a matter of getting that goal first. 

I've been reading into something called a "keto diet" which is basically Atkins/south beach. Low carb. extremely low carb. I was like "oh that sounds easy! I don't think i'm eating that many carbs...maybe like..100g..."...then i looked at my carb totals in sparkpeople and OMG i eat like...200 carbs a day (which is in my range on the site, and i actually stay under their max)....and these diets are like "<25g a day" and i'm like "HOW IN THE HECK?!?!?!" Idk. I've seen pictures and i've gotten really interested in it. I think the only way I'd be able to succeed doing something like that would be if my entire family got on it too. Which idk if i can talk them into doing this...i mean as long as we cut back on carbs like pasta, bread, ect. just start eating more protein and good fats.  i want to go on it for a week and see how it does me...i've heard that it can sometimes cause a "keto flu" which is basically your body going "WTFFFF?!?" and dragging it through withdrawals from deliciously addicting carbs. lol. 

on an extremely good note, however, Daniel and I did a 5 mile circuit on Saturday...it felt good...I have several blisters and some extremely sore knees/ankles, but I made it the whole 5 miles and felt amazing afterwards. That is the longest I have walked at one time EVER. we even jogged a little bit of it. which is probably why my knees and ankles hurt. They had 252lbs of fat being pulled towards the ground ontop of them. I don't blame them, I'd be irritated too! lol OH YEAH i'm down to 252. new low. HUZZAH. I can get under 250 this week. I know i can. especially if daniel and i try to do some form of workout on tuesdays and thursdays. to keep me active. we'll see. lol

but anyways. hopefully we'll be able to figure something out.  time for me to get ready for work. adios!

5K Frenzy

Hello all you people out there.

So i know my blog hasn't been very interesting to read lately or in depth or shown any awesome feats yet...well I'm still working at it. all that stuff last weekend kinda make me put everything on hold. Which is fine. I'm glad I went to birmingham. Anyways.

Here's something completely off the subject of losing weight, yet will make all the difference. I went to the dentist for the first time since 2009. before my wedding. They cleaned my teeth and they look fantastic!!! The reason that has anything to do with what i'm doing is because i feel i have a beautiful smile again. I want a "beautiful body" to go with that BEAUTIFUL smile (though it still needs braces--but i can do invisalign somewhere down the road...lol) I know you guys are gonna say "you're beautiful now!" but to me, I am and I'm not. Some days I feel gorgeous...some days i feel as ugly as a pig...I want to be down where I'm comfortable ALL THE TIME...not vain in any sense, just comfortable and healthy. Thats all I ask.

So here's where the title comes in. I have friends on facebook that run 5k's all the time! It makes me sad. I want to be able to run one...but right now, I can't even run a mile!!!!!!! I jog, walk, jog, walk, jog, walk....and the jogging? I'm lucky if its even for a minute or longer... then my knees or ankles start to hurt, and my side starts to cramp...and well there ya go--i'm done. lol. However, thats only outside. I get the stitch and stuff still when i run on a treadmill, but i don't get out of breath as easily...and i can easily do 2 miles on the elliptical (though i know that doesn't matter). lol. do you guys have any ideas why I get out of breath easier outside than inside? it is rather irritating. I want to work towards being able to do a 5k. Daniel and I have this little path that he has created when he does his 5mi run/walk every evening that he says should be about the length of a 5k. (he mapped it out on mapquest...) We think that every Saturday or Sunday (whatever day we can that week) we will go and start me out walking most and jogging some...and slowly build up speed. that alone should aide the weight loss as well as reaching my goal of being able to do a 5k, no?

I want to run in the Liz Hurley Ribbon Run next year. before I move away. before I leave Huntsville, I want to run a 5k along friends (and my husband if possible). If daniel is still here when there is a 5k that we are ready for, we will run it together. But if he is gone before I get ready to run one? I will run with my friends. However, I would really like to run one with my husband when i reach that goal. It would feel awesome accomplishing that with him by my side, just as he accomplished his weight loss with me cheering him on and he will be doing the same for me as i reach my goals one at a time. For now...I know I've said this before... but i will reiterate them.

I want to lose 20lbs by my birthday. Should be a piece of cake if i don't have any more random trips away from home and stuff. I was doing really good there for those two weeks. and I'm still doing pretty well. We came back Monday...ate pretty terribly but only gained 1lb back. that made me feel better. This morning I was at 253.2 a new low....only .2lbs less than where i was before I left, but still it went down. Hoping to see 252 tomorrow...You know what that would mean? I can be under 250 next week. Do you know how excited I am? I haven't seen under 250 since high school. This will thrill me to no end. It makes me want to work harder. Now, when i eat terrible (like i did this past weekend), not only does it upset my stomach, but it also makes me feel bad for eating so many calories. Like i enter them into sparkpeople and am like "dang. i should have known better." but it makes it easier when those temptations arise because i can say "remember how you felt when you put that into spark people the last time? yeah. don't do it." lol.

I wish daniel had put the pics back on my netbook (he wiped it early because it was giving me issues)...i wanted to post the motivational pic i have as my cover photo on facebook. it states "Know whats better than eating that thing you've wanted for days? Losing that weight you have wanted to lose for years." I could not have found a better motivational image than that. God threw that one at me. It made me so ecstatic that i spent almost an hour trying to resize it perfectly for my cover photo (and that was a real B****...lol)

but anyways. I really would appreciate the feedback. It would help!! :) especially with the 5k stuff (all you 5k-ers out there!)

you guys are awesome!

In the Groove

Sooo... okay. life was crazy.....and let me tell you--it was SOOO hard to get back in the groove this morning... let me start from the beginning.

So, last week we found out that my grandfather had to have major heart surgery again (he had it about this time last year).... That was on wednesday. On Thursday, Daniel and I left for Bham to be with my grandmother and family for the surgery which we thought was going to be thursday or friday. When we got down there, they told us that they were waiting until Monday. So Daniel and I just stayed down there all weekend...that wasn't particularly good for my diet. We ate horribly, and didn't get to the gym (obviously). Luckily, I only gained 1 pound which is crazy...cuz.... i know i ate awfully. lol.

Anyways....this morning we started back to the gym at 5a. It was SOOO extremely hard to get up. My eyes felt all heavy and all that junk and i just felt gross...which may be the result of my mom and I eating dinner so late. most likely. but I am going to be so sore tomorrow. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 50 crunches on the stability ball with 2-2lb weights. UPPING THE ANTE. heck yea. lol. and Daniel and I are going to start doing a 1-2mi circuit on Tuesdays and Thursdays so that I'm doing something every day at least. that will help. :)

Its gonna be a short one today cuz I forgot to post one this morning and I only had a few minutes on lunch! i'll type a more in-depth post on friday. :)

adios. tips, tricks, anything is highly welcomed. you guys never post on my blogs anymore. ;)