Wow, these last few weeks have been crazy. I started my new job back in the beginning of April, and that keeps me pretty busy. I'm working about 40ish hours most weeks (sometimes only 30, but for the most part, 40), so its been pretty much full time. I have been trying to get to the gym and cook and clean and most of the time? Cleaning goes amiss.
I've been feeling rather discouraged lately. Today a lot more than usual. I don't know, I just feel like my weight is never going away--and thats a terrible thing. If I think this way, it makes me sad...sadness doesn't help me, it hurts me. I get so frustrated. I've been the same weight for the last 3 weeks. I didn't lose anything on my 24 Day Challenge... I felt better, yes, but didn't lose anything. I've been working out consistently (at 430, mind you). We eat clean... we haven't eaten out since David's graduation last weekend--which really is a feat for us...and we hadn't eaten out in a week or so prior to his graduation...so we've been doing really good. I DONT UNDERSTAND.
I'm so frustrated right now. I just... I dont know. Maybe its because I'm so stressed all the time? I try to relax, but theres always so much going on and I can hardly do anything anymore. Its stressful trying to carve time to go to the gym. I NEED to go to the gym more not less. I can't. :\ Idk if I need to add more? I dont want to burn out, but I also NEED to lose this. I need it to be gone. I'm so tired of trying at this point. I know its not going to happen overnight, but its just frustrating. I feel like I've been with this constant battle for years and getting NOWHERE.
Daniel and I finally decided when we would stop preventing, so in other words, start trying to start our family. When I hit 175. I feel like thats never going to happen at this point. We set up little mini goals. my first one? To get past 230. I'm supposed to be at that goal by the 18th. I should have been down to 231 or 232 for that to happen. I'm not. I've been sitting at 234-237 for the past month. I'm. SO. over it. I don't know. I try. I really do. We eat so good when we're home. Going back and forth between my nanny job doesn't help, but its not that bad. I usually take my own food with me so i will have plenty of healthier options to eat (instead of always eating the baby's food--lol that used to be my biggest downfall when i'd babysit!!!) but for some reason i never budge.
I've been thinking a lot about sugar lately. Maybe I should cut it out? I eat a lot of berries, greek yogurt, and bananas--though after entering a banana into MFP--i have already cut back on those a TON. they have over 40g of sugar in ONE BANANA. ridiculous. Never would have guessed it... I just dont really know how to cut back on it while still enjoying it...If i completely cut it out--that automatically sets me up for failure...because I'm putting a big YOU CANT EAT THIS label on it...so therefore--reverse psychology kicks in and i'm like MUST EAT ALL OF IT I CAN. lol I dont know.
I'm just really feeling discouraged. I'm just tired of it. I wish I could just wish it all away. :( I'm ready to start my family, and I'm the one holding us back. :(
Thats all for today I guess. I can't really think of anything else.
-Beth
