Frustration

Everyone in my family knows that I have always, and probably always will, struggled with letting my emotions, my frustrations, get the best of me. I have a short temper. I lose my shit easily. I get really upset easily. Let me tell you something. It still happens. I've been better since I got married, sorta; however, with me trying to lose the weight...and my birth control...its been happening more often the past couple months. I've let myself get so upset over this.
This morning, I broke down. I'm so frustrated with myself over everything right now. I've been trying so hard to keep up the motivation to work out--because having a family is my motivation. Wanting to have kids is pushing me to want to get this weight off.  However, I find myself sinking back into old habits. I do really well for a couple weeks, then i just give up. I blame it on work, most of the time. I'm working so much and stuff that it just gets in the way. I'm hoping I can change that....I'm trying to plan things out better, but it just seems like it will never end.  I know this is reality and I need to suck it up and get over it. I just can't help but feeling like I'm losing my grip on this. When I get busy, I get lazy--which is not good. When I get lazy, I don't feel like cooking, so I end up wanting to order something or go get fast food--BAD HABIT. Thats how it used to be in my family, thats how I grew up, its what i know. When my parents didn't feel like cooking--it was pizza night, or bk night, or whatever. I mean, it happens. Busy family with 4 kids? I'd be doing the same thing! I wouldn't want to cook every day either! I dont now...LOL.
My aunt is gonna send me some weight watchers stuff and I'm gonna try to do that. I have a hard time keeping up with how many calories I'm eating. I dont know how many calories are in a serving of most of the recipes i make, and so i just kinda "go with it". lol. I'm hoping the weight watchers cookbooks and what not will help me because those will have nutritional info with the recipe--which always helps. I guess my biggest issue is food. I can get myself to the gym. Its the eating right and watching my calories I have an issue with.  And this morning, like I said, I just lost it. I'm so frustrated with myself for letting myself down. AGAIN. it seems like just when I start doing something right, I start messing it up all over again.  I just do it over and over again. Its like a really bad merry-go-round. My weight goes down, then back up, then back down, then back up...all according to my work schedule and stress level. they coincide quite well. unfortunately.

so i need assistance from you guys. words of advice, encouragement, ect. i'm having a hard time staying on track...and i really thought this blog would help me...but it seems like i just get on here and rant...then do nothing about it. this was for you guys to help me stay accountable. i need accountability, and encouragement. I am finally going to try to do my assessment at the gym this week (if something opens up, otherwise it will be next week. as for right now, got some cleaning to do...so, adios!