Baby Blues

So, I've found that lately i've had a pretty crazy case of "baby fever". Let me just tell you....its so hard to see everyone around you getting pregnant and having kids and everything when thats something you have wanted from the start. I understand that we're not in any place to have kids yet, and I know all of you are going to tell me to wait as long as i can. You are not me. Daniel and I have come up with a good "goal."  We will start trying to have kids as soon as i get down to a healthy weight. Because overweight pregnancies can have LOTS of issues...both for mom and baby. which is true. its just hard.

i've had a hard time trying to stick with anything because of work and stuff. like i try try try, then something comes up and i'm done. I DO THIS EVERYTIME. I do not understand why i cannot stick with anything. I'm trying so hard...but as soon as i start being good, i start being bad. I guess its because we are living with my parents and for they can't revolve around my eating or anything. they want what they want, and its tempting as hell and i usually give in. Especially after a 9 hr day at work. when i'm starving. -.- "wanna go to red robin?" "heck yea!" lol. cuz it gets me out of cooking. -.- yeahhhh i need to stop that. I know its gonna be a little easier to keep to a diet of any sort when we are living on our own again--but that will not be for at least a year, if not longer. It will be easier also because i wont be working. I will keep a job for part of the time he is in basic...and when I see that we are covered enough for me to stop, i will stop and focus the time i would spend at my job, at the gym and on my food and stuff. Much like daniel. His "job" for the past 9 months has been to lose weight. And he did. :) now we're just waiting on the AF to send him off to MEPS and to take the ASVAB. then comes basic.

But so, yeah. I'm like sitting here on facebook looking at all the pictures of my friends' kids, and preggo bellies, and cute little newborns, and preggo tests and AHHHH. its driving me bonkers. I'm like "why cant i just be skinny so we can start trying now?" I hate that i've let my body get like this, but theres nothing i can do but move forward. I'm an emotional eater. Stressed? Food. Sad? Food. Happy? Lets celebrate with food! and the list goes on and on. Thats why i'm worried. I told Daniel that I wanted a baby...he said "when you get down 100lbs, then we'll talk." "what if i never get down?" "why wouldn't you get down?" "i never have been able to stick with something." "you've never had the time or mind to."


I guess thats the one thing thats really been bugging me. (that and i've been sick with some sort of sinus infection the past three days). I just I want a baby and I'm worried I'll never get down. I feel the same cycles going on over and over.  Daniel and I are going to try to start going to the gym every morning before i go to work next week....i think that may help...because after work i'm often tired, headaches have sprouted, and i just don't have the patience for the gym. lol. Before work? I'm just not a morning person. so if my husband can take the pissy  version of myself and actually get my butt out of bed, we'll be good. You guys have been so good to me...I've been so off and on with this the past month. :( i'm sorry for letting you all down. This hasn't been a total waste, because i do look forward to your input on the few blogs i've actually posted.

I just hope I can make all of you proud one day. I want a good side by side like my husband. lol. he's lost like...60+ lbs since July...and he looks great!!!

my side by side at -60lbs will look better! LOL. I want to be in a slightly smaller swimsuit size if daniel and i go to the beach before basic...so...............i guess i better get on it. lol

if you guys wouldn't mind, please pray that I will have a peace about having children. About waiting until i'm down. its better for all of us.

love ya'll!