Brave

"You can be amazing, you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug. You can be the outcast, or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love. Or you can start speaking up. Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin. Kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes a shadow wins. I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out--Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave."
--Brave by Sara Bareilles--

I came across this song about a week ago while I was trying to scramble to get new songs to workout to. I am sooo in love with it. It is saying everything I needed to be told for years. Be brave. Speak up. Dont let them walk all over you. I wish this song had come out while I was in high school....the Lord knows I just sat there quietly. Like Katy Perry says in "Roar:"

"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath--scared to rock the boat and make a mess...So I sat quietly, agreed politely. I guess that I forgot I had a choice, I let you push me past my breaking point. I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything."

These two songs...they have really helped me over the past few weeks. I've been struggling with being here. I've been having a hard time... and these songs? They are awesome. Katy Perry is not usually one of my favorite go-to artists, but that song...idk. it hit home. because here? I'm over it. "you held me down, but I got up--already brushing off the dust.....you held me down, but i got up--get ready cuz i've had enough!"  I mean, I'm ready. I'm working my butt off to lose this weight. i finally have the motivation, the strength, the courage. I'm ready to change.

I started this journey at a whopping 250+. I am currently at 227. 2 lbs away from losing 25. I could have probably been 50lbs down by now had I actually worked the entire 6 months I was at keesler, but...we all know how change goes. Here--theres nothing to do...so I workout. Well, I was working out...until I stupidly tried to run a 5k last week without "training up for it." -.- that was stupid. Though, I am proud of myself because I learned 2 things about myself:
 1) I CAN RUN A 5K STRAIGHT! No walking!
 2) I love running outside. Love it. never thought that would happen, haha.

I am a much stronger person than I was in high school. I've learned a lot over the past 5 years...wow..5 years since I graduated? dang. I'm getting old. lol. Daniel has had a lot to do with that. When I met him, I was still this shell of a person. Now? I am so much happier and I am so thankful for Daniel pulling me out of my "funk" and being as encouraging as he is. That one day we went out and ran together, he was constantly saying "Babe, if you just run a little farther, you would have run a whole mile," "come on baby, you have almost run a mile and a half without stopping! you got this," "babe! you just ran 2 whole miles without stopping! I am so proud of you!" he just didn't stop encouraging me the entire run. I have never had someone do that for me before, it showed me just how much he loves me. He's always encouraging me... I've never been more thankful. I couldn't do this without him and his support.

I say all this rambling because this is what it means to be brave. Taking a chance, a risk, and hoping that it will better you and those around you. You never know whats going to happen. Daniel joining the AF was brave--we dont know whats going to happen, but we trust God, and we went for it. Now we're stationed in GA, not our first pick, but I know we're here for a reason. Even if it was only to meet the amazing people I've met already. We are taking it one day at a time and making the most of our time here, even though the government has been stupid lately. This shutdown doesn't help my stress levels, thats for sure.

Anyways, I hope you guys all can agree--sometimes you have to be brave in order to achieve what you want. Even if that means standing up to the people who put you down, facing a problem you have been avoiding your whole life (like my weight), or just going after what you want. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

I hope you all have an amazing day. Be amazing. Be yourself.

Love you guys,

Beth