And So The Journey Begins....

      Hey, I can't believe its been over 2 months since my last post. A lot has happened... weight has come and gone and come again. Holidays have come and gone. Trips have come and gone...and most importantly, my husband has left for USAF BMT.

     So let me begin by saying the past 2 months have been crazy busy. We'll start with November. Not much happened at first.  I was enjoying being back at Latham, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my mom's family. Overally, November was a great month--aside from me freaking out about December. lol. We spent every moment we had just trying to enjoy each other's company and spend the last few weeks together.  Thanksgiving came and went--and then IRON BOWL SATURDAY! (ROLL TIDE). lol. We spent the day at Daniel's parents watching the Iron Bowl, enjoying extremely fattening food (haha), and talking.  Then at halftime, we were presented with our Christmas presents from them--new phones! They wanted us to have a reliable way to talk to each other while he was at BMT--so we took a trip to Verizon and got us set up on new phones and our own plan (for the first time since we were married!). That was a blessing and a half! We were thrilled!

    After that weekend, we had a week of reprieve. That last week of November was Daniel's last week at Kohl's, and he was SO ready to be done by Friday.  On December 1st, we went and ate dinner with a very special family that is so close to our hearts. Jon Jones, Daniel's bible teacher from MA, has been so amazing and a big part of our lives since we got married. I wish we were able to see him more often than we were, but both of our busy schedules made that difficult.  He was such a blessing to us! We enjoyed chatting, a great meal, and lots of discussions about the coming weeks.  On December 2nd, we enjoyed Christmas at my dad's parents' house.  This was huge for me. I spent the last 2 months planning and trying to make sure we got EVERYONE together.  This was the first time we got together with my aunt and uncle in several years. Actually...since my wedding 3 years ago. It was great for all of us to spend that time together exchanging gifts AND Daniel and I ended up getting enough money for Christmas for us to take a trip for our anniversary. HUGE blessing.  We spent the rest of that week just kinda planning our trip when I was home, spending time together when I was off work, and talking.  December 8th, we had Christmas at Daniel's aunt's house and had so much fun. A lot more talking about him leaving, a lot more laughs, a lot of great fattening foods (of which every party is nothing short of! lol) and just spending time with family.

    We left for our trip on December 9th. We were SO incredibly blessed to have been able to take this trip. We had 3 nights and 4 days down in Biloxi, MS. You may think "why there?!?" It is a BEAUTIFUL area, plus theres an AFB about 5 minutes from the hotel we stayed at...and I wanted Daniel to get an idea of what we might have in store for us in the future! Plus, because it was the off season, we got it at a fantastic price! Every moment of it was spent holding hands, lounging in the bed, or just enjoying being ourselves. After living with my family  for so long (much longer than we expected) it was a MUCH needed break. Now, i'm not saying I'm ungrateful for what my parents have done for us, we are SO thankful because without their help we would have been out on the streets. But we needed that alone time right before he left. I thank God every day for that trip because it gave both of us something to look back on over these 8.5 weeks that he is gone.  We spent more money than we ever have, drank more than we should have (but enjoyed it!), ate a TON of food, and were completely and utterly lazy and happy. Best. Trip. I've. Ever. Had.  I think it was because he was leaving in a few days and the fact of that looming over our heads just made it THAT MUCH MORE precious.

   When we got back to town, we spent the remaining 4 days together. We went to his parents and stayed there for a couple nights so that we could all spend a few more days together before he left. I wish we could have stayed in Biloxi till he left. lol. It was fun, but i miss that trip more than anything. More importantly I miss my husband. terribly.

   The day he left? I actually did surprisingly well. I was expecting to break down completely and not be able to dirve and all that stuff. But no, i held his hand and was right by his side from the time we got to the recruiter to the time he left my side to get on the bus. My father-in-law took an amazing picture (the one as the background of my blog right now) of our last kiss before he got on the bus. I bawled when I saw that picture. I did really well the rest of that day....the only time i lost it was that night when he facetimed me. All day I was like "oh he's just at MEPS, we can talk...he'll be back tomorrow" and then as it would dawn on me that i'm not gonna see him or hold him for 8.5 weeks, i'd start to lose it. That first night was easy because he could talk to me, we facetimed for a bit on our phones (basically like skype)...then went to bed. The next day was a little harder because he wasn't able to talk as much, but he was still able to talk here and there to let me know certain flights landed, or that he got moved to a different flight, that he passed his medical exam and all that stuff. Then that second night came and he had a 30 second phone call to tell me that he had landed at SAT and that he was okay and that he would "call later with more information." I just barely squeezed out "Happy Anniversary..." as he hung up. Oh yeah, did I mention the day he actually started BMT at Lackland was our 3rd Anniversary?! Thanks USAF, really appreciate it. lol.

    I woke up the next morning, with 2 hours of sleep nonetheless, to a voicemail from Daniel with his address and i bawled my eyes out. I said happy anniversary to the phone about a million times...that and I love you. and I miss you. and all that. I know he couldn't hear me, that didn't make me say it any less. lol. I had a REALLY rough time that day. By the time I got to work at 1230, I was like a zombie... emotionally drained... really completely drained. I had cried most the morning with my brother trying to comfort me (i was SO thankful he got in Tuesday night with my mom being out of town)...and i basically stopped just long enough to go to work. I put his Christmas card in the mail and got home, and lost it again. It took me about 3 days of feeling like a zombie to have some normalcy... even then, I still don't feel normal and its been almost 2 weeks. I feel like i'm just kinda going in and out of my days. I'll have some days where I'm fine...then I'll have other days where I think "why the hell are we doing this!??!" and I KNOW 100% that we're doing this to better ourselves and our future... and I am SO proud of my husband for doing this... but good Lord is it hard. I didn't think it would be this difficult. Like I said, some days I'm fine. Some days I'm really not.

   I got my first phone call from him last Tuesday. Christmas Day. BEST. CHRISTMAS. PRESENT. EVER. God I missed his voice. even though i have his voice mail, it was nice to hear him tell me "i love you too" back. hahaha. voicemails don't talk back to you. much to my dismay. lol. We talked about this and that...he told me how the first few days he regretted going in, but that its gotten better. He still sounded awful (had a cold when he left), and i told him to go to sick call the next day to get a cold pack. I really hope he listened. He said he would, but you know men...they like to try to be the hero. lol. We talked about a lot and we talked about nothing. i think we were both just glad to hear each others' voices. The hardest part was the saying goodbye. After he hung up, I broke down. I am so happy i heard from him, but at the same time, it made it THAT MUCH HARDER to bear. As i'm in the middle of my breakdown, he called me back...and I immediately attempted to dry it up so i could sound strong for him...which is what everyone said to do. everyone told me not to cry on the phone. I did good. until i picked up the phone that time and heard him crying. OH. MY. GOD. I have never felt so heartbroken in my life. For a man that has never cried, that was hard to hear. He said he talked to his mom and she started crying so he lost it and he really wanted to hear my voice again before his time ended. broke. my. heart. Guh. i'm tearing up just thinking about it.

   I spent the rest of the night curled up in my bed crying trying to be positive. Man was it hard.  I woke up the next morning really not feeling well, but I had to go to work. I worked only from 10-1 and tried to be really positive. Dropped off a letter to the post office, came home...did Insanity (stupidest mistake ever)...and just spent the rest of the evening quietly on the computer.  Thursday went to work from 7-1230 and felt AWFUL the entire time. I think this was when i realized I was getting a bug. i was nauseated, felt extremely tired, and just bleh. Got off, went home, curled up in bed.  I went and got my hair trimmed around 3, at which point we discussed my hair color that we're gonna be doing before I go for his graduation! SO EXCITED! Then, Friday and Saturday I was feeling soooo sick. I caught a bug or something. it was nasty. i barely ate anything on Friday. I couldn't keep it down, didn't have an appetite, ect... idk. it was rough. lol. Saturday I did a little bit better... I was still feeling really sick, but i was keeping food down. My dad, sister, and I went to pick out our new mattresses and bed sets, which was fun...but by the end of it I just really wanted to go to bed. haha.

  Now to today. Its been 13 days since my husband left. I'm feeling a little bit better about the whole thing...(and i'm doing a bit better sick wise)... I've had my moments, but I'm really thankful that my husband is doing  what he is for our family. Its gonna be a hard transition, but it will all be worth it.  Its already been 2 weeks since he left, and the remaining 6.5 will go by just as fast. I write to him every night and feel like I'm spending time with him in that way. I'm *HOPING* that he will get to call home today, but I'm not expecting it.  He just called home last Tuesday...so I expect not to get another phone call until next week. I will probably be updating my blog a little more often than i used to...and now its mainly going to be where I come to tell of my experiences during this time... From what I've been reading, posting it really helps...not to mention it gives me something else to do. lol.

Sorry for the long post! For now I'm done. I hope all of you had a very Merry Christmas and will have a Happy New year! :D

May 2013 be full of happiness and love!

~Bethany~

before he left

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not travel both
and be one traveler, long i stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear,
though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
and THAT has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost-

This poem I memorized in 6th grade at Whitesburg Middle School with Mrs. Foster. I still remember it. I still remember the day she handed it to us and I was like "oh crap. I'm never going to memorize all this... I'm never going to want this in my head...this is never going to make  a difference..." hah, what fools we are as children.

i had a rather crazy episode of uncrontrolled sobbing tonight. Just all the stress of wanting to lose weight, seeing all my friends getting pregnant (btw, be warned, you may be hidden for a while or even deleted if i see that I cannot handle it...too much to bear right now). While I understand that now is not the right time, you guys have no idea how hard it is for me to sit back and watch. Daniel and I are on our own timeline, and I'm so thankful for that...but being a mother is all i've ever wanted, so it weighs heavily on my heart. Just be warned, its nothing against you, its just something i've got to to in order to keep sane.....and thats only if i see its just making me fall deeper and deeper into this pit. 

But its the weight loss, the wait to have children, work, the thought that Daniel is leaving in 6.5 weeks, just everything piled on top...and I just lost it... the thing that brought me to that point was me getting irrationally mad because Daniel was proving a point to me about going out to eat. I was mad that my friend couldn't go out and that she waited almost an hour to tell me so (no worries, i'm over it...i wasn't truly mad, just everything made me that irritable).... but anyways--so i was "angry" and i just wanted chili's because "i had gotten it in my mind i was  going to eat out" and he blatantly pointed out that i would feel awful if i went and that i just needed to eat something here...and to which i replied "fine i just wont eat" and i stomped off to the bathroom where I had my meltdown. 

irrational? stupid? yes.   idk. i guess just everything hit me at once, and i lashed out. I know that if i do not admit to this...i will allow myself to do it again. I let myself cry it out for at least an hour...Daniel came in after 15 minutes and just sat with me. I felt awful. But i realized something...the reason its so difficult for me is because this is "the road not taken" for me. I've never been down this road before. I've never been the skinny girl...and i have this "irrational fear" of getting down. Thats whats been hindering me these past couple years. I've gotten scared. Terrified. 

I know I can do it. I'm just terrified of doing it. What happens if I get down and I don't like what I see? What happens if I get down and Daniel doesn't like what he sees? What happens if I don't think its enough and I keep going and keep going until i develop anorexia or bulemia... i mean... these are all irrational fears. but they are the demons inside of me. This is why i created this blog...to not only note my successes but to share my demons, to unload a burden, to vent. 

I know Daniel loves me with all of his heart and I know he is behind me 100% of the way, just as I was for him when he lost his weight and as I am for him as he leaves for BMT.  I think its just hard for me sometimes. you know?  I know you guys don't really understand me...and thats okay. I can be kinda crazy sometimes. I just had to let this out. 

I am taking the road less traveled  Its not gonna be easy, in fact--its going to be damn hard. I don't expect anything less. I just hope you guys can bear with me. I need prayers. Pray for strength, God's wisdom, and for me to just overcome. I'm going to have these morbid moments where i just lash out and then instantly regret it. So much I have to overcome...not just my weight issues...but the issues that led me to gain weight in the first place. I have to make a stand against myself. for myself. 

"I wont give up on us, even if the skies get rough--i'm giving you all I got...I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up. No I wont give up on us, GOD KNOWS I'M TOUGH ENOUGH. [I've] got a lot to learn. God know's [I'm] worth it. [I'm] worth it."-Jason Mraz. 

On The Road Again

I know, you guys are thinking that "oh here she goes again...this time i wonder how long it will take for her to quit again."

I've said it again and again "this time is different." and each time, its been the same. Though, i don't know if thats completely true because it is different. It has been since i posted my first blog.  I've had a lot of struggles over the last 10 months, and all of which have had some form of influence on my weight loss efforts.  This time, its for the better.

I've started a new job which gives me 5 extra hours a week that i spend in the gym. It also is so much more laid back and awesome than my last job. I'm able to eat every 2-3 hours, like they say. i can bring yogurt, cheese, apples, nuts, anything my heart desires for a snack. my hours are 10-5 M&W, 8-3 Tu&Th, and it varies on fridays...usually either 8-3 or 10-5...or sometimes 7-1230 or 1.  so if its a late day, i'll go to the gym first thing and then eat breakfast around 9...snack around 11, eat lunch around 1, snack around 3, eat dinner around 5 or 6.  All of my snacks are small... usually apple slices and a Babybel white cheddar cheese wheel...thats my favorite snack...and my lunches are usually an AdvantEdge shake with a greek yogurt and cheese stick.

Its so refreshing. i also get to take the kids on buggy rides some days (depends on who is awake and who is asleep--i work with 6w-1y) I keep telling my husband that i'm sooo glad i changed jobs...even though its less money, we're doing okay. i'm not as stressed, and that pays off BIG TIME in the end.  I think the only thing i'm kinda worried about is not being able to do our anniversary trip before he leaves for BMT on Dec 17.

We want to go stay at the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, MS for 3 nights. Its got a theatre, several restaurants, on the beach (not that big of a deal in Dec, but its still pretty), and its a resort, so its beautiful.  I've been there before only a couple years after Katrina, and it was pretty then, even with the wasteland around it. now its all built up again though, and i can't wait to see it.

But anyways. I haven't posted in a while, and I wanted to let you know, that i'm doing good. I'm down 4 lbs since restarting last week.  i've been really good about going to the gym, only missing one day last week due to a migrane.  My eating is what i'm focusing on more this week.  I mean, its not that i do bad, i just have a hard time with portions at dinner. i'm great at breakfast, lunch, snacks...its dinner. Depending on what we have, i go back for seconds....not always for the main thing, but the sides...like tonight we're doing Chicken, green beans and corn. I'll probably go back for the veggies but not for chicken...but all the calories add up. My coffee is the worst. I wish i could drink it black. lol. would save me about 75 calories. And since I'm not drinking soda, i have to have my coffee--otherwise its caffeine withdrawls for me, and that is NO FUN. haha

Daniel's been a big help too. Though, he always is. This time i told him to be more honest with me and by golly he listened. I go into the kitchen to get froyo or want to get fast food on a lunch or something he's like "do you want to lose weight?" "do you want to stay at this weight the rest of your life?" "do you want kids?" just honest stuff, and usually we end up talking about it and then i'm like "yea, you're right, its not worth it." and i sit my butt back down or ignore my craving for fast food.  OR like two weeks ago, i wanted a burger...so instead of going to Mc Donalds, i just got hamburger meat and buns from the store, went home and made my own...out of lean beef.... sooo i saved some calories there. :)


I know you guys have pretty low faith in me right now because i've been so on again off again the past few months, but bear with me. I'm trying, and i just need encouragement, and something to maintain my willpower. Willpower is the one thing i have the hardest time with.  :\ "If losing weight were easy, everyone would do it." I try to remember that. Its not easy, and it will only get harder, but i just need to power through and do it anyways. Something I'm hopefully about to start is a devotional, as well. Daniel and I are going to be reading through His Needs, Her Needs and I will be doing a devotional at work. The devotional I am going to be doing is called "Food, Fitness, and Faith" and i'll just be doing the 21 day devotional first to see how it goes.  :)

but anyways, theres a song out there that all of you know and I sing this song to myself even though its meant as a romantic song, but i sing it about my weight...and Daniel...but when i hear it, i think about myself.

"I wont give up on us, even if the skies get rough. [I'm giving it all I got], I'm still looking up, I'm still looking up. I wont give up on us, God knows I'm TOUGH ENOUGH. We got a lot to learn, God knows we're worth it. WE'RE WORTH IT!"

REMEMBER:
we are all worth the fight. God knows how much we can take and he knows what it takes to push us.
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Go make a positive change today. I know I did. I did my workout even though I didn't want to get up. Go do it. you'll feel better.

Take THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.  I know i'll be taking that one. because "that [will make] all the difference."  I'll post the full poem by Robert Frost in another blog. Its one of my faves that i learned in 6th grade and probably one of the only ones I remember.

have a good day! no. strike that. HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY! :D

Breaking Point

Okay just fair warning, today i'm gonna sound like Mrs. Debbie Downer, mainly because its been rough and I need to vent and cry. Its okay to cry every once and a while, isnt it?


Today was the first day I have EVER sobbed during a workout. I had to pause it at one point just to catch my breath cuz i felt like i was going to hyperventilate. But I learned something important today, thanks to my husband. Excuses will get the best of us if we let them. We gotta push through them.

I have felt useless today. Just exhausted to the point where i felt like all my limbs were made of lead and i was dragging my feet. I have NO IDEA what has caused this feeling, and I don't like it. I get it sometimes at work towards the end of the day, but i've never experienced that on the weekends, mainly because i tend to not really do much except for laundry and grocery shop. But today I woke up with an awful migrane and that just set the mood for the rest of the day.

As you all know, I do Insanity Sunday-Friday, with Saturdays being my rest day. Well, last week? I did it Sun, Mon, Tuesday, then was sick Wed-Friday. So i have gone 4 days without doing it. that did NOT help me when it came time to do it today. I usually do it right when i get up because I know i'll talk myself out of it  later in the day if i don't. Well, unfortunately, today I woke up with a migrane which I have to eat toast, drink something, and take medicine. which takes time. it took an hour and a half before that medicine kicked in. By that time? It was already 930a. I usually go to the store at 11.

I, instead of doing Insanity once the medicine kicked in, decided to read and finish laundry that i didn't finish yesterday. Then i had used the excuse "well i just ate, so i'll probably throw up." Daniel just shook his head and said "you're gonna regret this later." yeah. i did.

around noon my dad and i went to the store. I was dragging my feet the whole time. I felt and feel awful still. we got our groceries, and by the time we got home I was starving, in an ill mood, blood sugar was dropping, ect. that was 2p. It took Daniel an hour and a half to convince me to get off my ass and do Insanity. He had to force me up, tell me i had to go get dressed, and basically do everything but force me to do the moves. Am I ashamed? yes. I am ashamed at how i've been today, but i don't really know what it is. I feel like someone has drugged me and made me feel so out of it. I haven't taken anything other than sudafed and B12 which BOTH are supposed to perk you up. (sudafed for my headache).

There was one point during the dvd where i just sat on the floor and said "i give up" and i just started sobbing because i had no idea what else to do. I felt like i was chained to the floor, felt like i couldn't get up. Daniel said "i'm trying to have faith in you. Please. get up. do it. you wont regret it. I love you. You need to break the cycle." He said that if I didnt do it that i was falling into my old patterns of quitting because i didn't feel like it...making excuses because I was tired and just didn't want to do it...He was telling me the truth.

Everytime I start a new "regimen" for working out, i do it really well for a few weeks, then i slack...something ALWAYS comes up. I get "sick," or i have this or that going on, or plain 'I just dont want to anymore." every. single. time. I give up. I say "its impossible to go on, i'm never going to lose this weight." "I'm sick, this must be a sign I shouldn't keep this up." "I just don't really care anymore." ect ect. same old bullshit, same old Bethany.

but today I hit a breaking point. Thanks to my wonderful husband, i powered through. I sobbed though most of it, and once it was over I broke down. But this time i broke down because i broke through the shield of the past. I broke through and kept going. i have never felt so ashamed. i have never felt so liberated.

All this being said, i think i'll be able to do it no matter what now. i know i can do it when i feel chained to the ground. sorry for the debbie downer vibe today. just...not feeling it. its been a roller coaster of a day.

thats all for now.

hope ya'll had a great weekend.

True Colors

You wanna know something I've always wanted to do? Run.

I've always "hated it."  But what a lot of people don't know is that I used to be and still am the person that, even though I say I hate it, I secretly long to be able to do it.  As you have all seen, I've been attempting to get in shape through insanity (which will work, if i can stick with it. 12 days down, 51 to go). Well I've seen a lot of my friends running this 5k and that...and well i want to be one of those.

Well theres this website, Skinny Ms., that is having a contest. They are giving away 4 tickets to any color run in the US and by golly, i'm going for it. I think this particular 5k would be fun and would keep me going because who doesn't want to get covered from head to toe in a rainbow? LOL Plus, theres a few locations that aren't far from home, so we wouldn't have to fork over a bunch of cash for lodging/gas/ect. Heres the link to the contest for those of you who are also interested in entering. http://skinnyms.com/contest.  

Even if I don't win the four pack of tickets, I could still win some great prizes from Skinny Ms like a cookbook (i could always use more recipes!), and a 12 week program that i could do in between Insanity rounds! :)

If you haven't like Skinny Ms on facebook, you need to, btw. They always post fantastic recipes and tips. I've tried a few of them. :)


But anyways, thats about all I have for today. Just got done with Day 12 of Insanity and I'm BEAT. now if I can just go get my shower and head to work.

have a great day!

Sometimes Seeing Is Believing

If you were ever like me, you know what i'm talking about. You sit on your ass on the couch and watch TV. An infomercial comes on and you see "how much weight you can lose" or "how to get a six-pack" ect ect...and you're like "oooh  i want that, it will help..." then as you get older you notice that some of the pictures...well they look off...and you start to think that that is just a gimmick. another thing USA wants to do  to get more money.

Well, I used to think that about Insanity. I was like "that will never work." or "hah. that totally looks fake!" ect ect. BUT after doing one week? I already see a difference and feel a difference. I know its not a hype. IT WORKS...especially if you eat right and push yourself without hurting yourself.

In one week I've noticed my endurance has gotten better, I want to push myself that extra set, ect. I've also noticed that clothes are starting to fit me better. I have this one pair of jean capris that I wear to work all the time..and usually after I wash them they are SUPER tight on me. Well, i put those suckers on right out of the dryer on saturday and they fit perfectly, in fact they were kinda loose. So i was curious. I measured my waist, hips, and chest just to see....at first I couldn't believe what i was seeing. I had lost 1.5" off my waist, 1.25" off my chest, and 0.5" off my hips. O.O i was like "WHAT?!?! is that even possible?!" apparently it is. I also weighed myself and I'm down 3lbs since last Sunday. I'm not gonna say an official weight until this coming sunday when I do my fit test again...same thing with the measurements. I just wanted to see because, like i said, my clothes were fitting better and it was weird!

Something I have noticed the past two days I've been off and done Insanity is that if i eat a meal the night before that is bad for you (junk food Saturday night, Chili's last night) i have INSANE heartburn during my workout. Thats always lovely. I was like 'seriously? come on!!!" lol but other than that, its been good.  Not really looking forward to tomorrow. its Plyometrics and I am already learning to hate Plyo and its only day 2 of week 2. (day 9).

But anyways I just thought I'd share my success so far. Its crazy! I'll post my results side by side next Sunday. :)

see ya'll later! have a safe Labor Day!

Dig Deeper

As I mentioned in my last blog, I wanted to start INSANITY. Well, now i have. I am officially on Day 4 of Insanity! (Already did my workout, tomorrow will be day 5). I am enjoying it thoroughly. While it is excruciating in some portions (for my weak ankles/wrists), I still enjoy it. I know i'm working my butt off. Literally. lol. I have decided not to count calories while i do so, but just pay attention to what i'm eating and how much. If i start to try counting calories i'm going to go crazy because I have NO IDEA how many i'm burning.... so yea. I need to get a heart rate monitor, but they're expensive.

I am doing it alone this first time. Mainly because i'm doing it at the house and there is NO ROOM. Also because I am out of shape and I want to go through a round by myself before I try to do it with anyone else. Daniel has been getting up with me so he can cheer me on while i do it, and that helps me keep going. Another thing that i've found that really helps is the Gatorade stuff. Daniel thinks I'm silly for believing in it, but whatever. I use the PRIME and RECOVER formulas. the Prime is great. it has B vitamins to help you power through your workout. The Recover is the perfect ratio of Carbs::protein that you need to recover from a workout. I usually drink half a bottle of the recover mixed with a small amount of water (its really syrupy). Its helped me out a lot I think. daniel thinks its bogus, but he says whatever gets me to do it and feel good about myself. :)

Also, a new thing started at work this week. They are allowing us a 10-minute break. They come in and cover us while we go take a break...I think i'm going to start utilizing this 10 minute break to have my snack. I'm gonna start bringing an apple, banana, granola bar, ect...and use that 10 minutes to eat and go potty. I think that will help me out A LOT. I hope they keep doing it. Its an awesome system. It will keep me from eating the kids food because instead of trying to wolf down a small granola bar in like 1 minute hiding in the room, I will get to sit, eat my snack, and drink plenty of water with it. Granola bars don't last very long if you don't have any water with it. :)

I have figured out that I will finish with Insanity on October 20. That will be the end of Round 1.  I will then proceed to swimming, starting strength, and running.  :) If i keep this up, I will be starting a second round of Insanity in December/January. by that time, I will have a little more time on my hands and hopefully have a ton more endurance and strength. :) not to mention be down a little in weight! lol

My goals for Insanity:

Lose 15lbs
Gain endurance
Gain strength
Gain energy

Pure Insanity.

Okay. So, some things have changed since my last blog, but not a lot. Daniel's date (what we thought was November 19 is now December 18)...so thats a good change.   I've had a lot of things and stress dealing with work and money and stuff, but some of that will start subsiding now. *i hope*

I also have come to the conclusion that I make excuses. A lot. "I don't feel good" or "that took too long, so i'm not going" or "i just don't want to." I'm tired of my crap. lol. I'm a b**** at home because of stress and stuff... I mean I get stressed out over the effing cars. Like seriously? When did a parking space matter? NEVER. Good grief. I do NOT like what i've been turning into. I think a lot of it has to do with 4 major things:

 1) Stress at work
 2) Stress at home
 3) Stress over money
 4) My temper

While I've gotten a tad better about my temper since marrying Daniel, I still let it get the best of me sometimes and I hate it.  I believe a lot of this stress is about to change and make it to where I'm not so tired, sick, irritable, ect... I think the stress i've been under for the last 4 months is why i've been so sick...and why i'm always exhausted. What i've learned is that stress IS exhausting. I don't need to live like this! OMG I'M GOING TO DIE AT 35 IF I KEEP THIS UP! lol so here is why i believe things are getting better.

1) Daniel got a job. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. HALLELUJAH! That will help with the money stress. CHECK.
2) I'm starting in a new classroom (tomorrow actually...) with a lead who is pretty down to earth. so there goes my work stress *hopefully*. CHECK
3) I've been working on trying to calm myself. "Meditating" when i can. i'm not really sure how to do it... but i've been attempting for a few days...while my temper can sometimes just come out of nowhere, I think i've finally figured out when it starts to flare and I end up turning around and walking out of the situation...whilst that can cause other issues (because when i walk away with my temper, I tend to walk a bit heavier and shut doors a tad bit harder...whoops) it makes me step away from whatever caused it to flare up, realize i was being a crazy b**** and go back and apologize once i've calmed myself down....a few more weeks like that and MAYBE i wont lose my temper in the first place....who knows...unfortunately i think thats something i'm always going to be fighting, but...you live with what God has given...and you learn to tame your inner evil. lol

I've come to the conclusion that the stress at home wont really go away until Daniel and I move. Theres just too many people living here. I'm soo thankful for my parents and all they've done for us, and we would be out on the streets if they hadn't come up with this solution. That being said, nobody ever anticipated 3 families living under one roof. While it is great to have CJ and Megs around and not all the way in freaking Utah, its gonna put more stress on everyone. Including Meg and CJ. Its inevitable. Theres just too many personalities, lifestyles, feelings, ect involved and its crazy. NOW THAT BEING SAID, there are things we could and will start doing soon that will help ease some of the tensions and stress and all that....so...HOPEFULLY things will start slowly getting better...if not.. welll.....its only temporary. ;) lol


Now that i've gotten all the nasty business about why i haven't been so hard on myself when i don't do so well on my eating....lol...lets get to the part that i started this blog for in the first place. my weight.


Despite all this, I haven't done too terribly bad eating/drinking wise.  I've been doing pretty well actually...aside from a trip to Chili's with my bestie and daniel, and i think fast food twice over the last couple weeks... but i'm really proud of myself. I have been good about what i drink. REALLY GOOD. I had a coke yesterday at lunch (on accident, you get in a habit of ordering something and i was in a hurry so i ordered it and left and was like CRAP)...but aside from that, i've only had my morning coffee, a fruit protein smoothie and WATER to drink every day for the last week now. Thats a feat, especially for me because I used to be the girl who would drink 6-8 cokes a day, sweet tea, juice, ect. i'm so stinking proud of myself.


So that being said, I would like to say that i am unofficially joining Team beachbody (i say unofficially because i'm not actually signing up for it, just doing the workout)...and starting Insanity. I probably wont start it until next Friday....or even possibly September 7...it just depends...i gotta figure out whats gonna work best with the things i'm going to have going on over the next few months...but i'm starting it. its not gonna be easy. its going to be damn hard. but Ash wants to do it, daniel said he'd do it with me, and both of my sisters said they want to try it too...so i have a pretty large support group to help me out. :) not to mention Daniel's friends Parker, Nathan, Ian, and Dillon are all doing it too...soooo yeah. we have the dvd's thanks to my amazing father in law and so i'm going to do it. I don't have to drive to do it...so...i think i can keep that up a bit easier than getting up early to drive to the gym, work out, drive back, and shower. :)


So now comes to the questions. I need to know, how much sleep do i need to be getting? I read differently all over the place... some say 7.5, some say 8, some even say 10. I need to know. right now i'm going to bed between 930 and 1030...and waking up around 6 and falling back to sleep until 650 or 7. so thats about 8.5 to 10hours every night...and i have an extremely hard time getting out of bed in the mornings. that needs to stop.

next quesiton.  how can i get myself to wake up faster? is there anything i can do that will help me to get my butt out of bed? or is that sheer willpower?

I'm so tired of being TIRED...and again i say--that may change once i start exercising again, and sleeping the correct amount and my stress at work and with money starts to diminish.

Anyways. I guess i'm done...but if you have any tips you'd like to share or recipes or any kind of comment--feel free to post or message me on fb. :)

this is my mantra for Insanity. lol

hope you guys have a good night!

Another Year Gone

Wow. I cannot believe I'm turning 22 on Friday. It seems like just yesterday I was 17 and foolish and freshly out of high school and fresh off a trip to Colorado. Now I'm turning 22, have an amazing husband, plans for our future, and a plan to change my lifestyle. Daniel will be going to BMT on November 19, 2012. Yes. You read right. That is the MONDAY OF THANKSGIVING. While I was originally really pissed at that fact (and the fact that he will miss our 3rd wedding anniversary, christmas, the new year, AND Valentine's Day), I have finally come to terms *for the most part* with this. I am glad we have a date, I wish it could be a different date, but....whatever--God has done this for a reason.

I guess a lot will be changing over the next year...so theres no telling where I'll be or what Daniel and I will be up to this time next year. Its crazy to think about because I don't even know where we will be in a year...like...literally. It could be ANYWHERE on the planet. I'm *hoping* for stateside...just because it would make visiting family and friends a TON easier, but I'm fine with whatever. It will be hard either way though. But its going to be an adventure and I'm SO excited that I have Daniel to share this adventure with. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him with all my heart, soul, and mind. People talk about soulmates, and Daniel literally is my other half. Butttt enough of me being sappy sappy. lol.

I'm kinda mad I have to work on Friday.... well not really that i have to work, but that I had asked off and got it approved like a month after starting this job...then about a month ago, they came and told me I had to change it and "sorry we approved it, but we added more blackout dates." Life. -.- Kinda over it...but at the same time, still it irks me. So i work my full day *hopefully getting off around 5-515* then *hopefully* going to Olive Garden and a movie with my wonderful husband. I told him I want a chill evening. I usually would want to dress up and all that fancy schmancy romantic shtuff. not this birthday. maybe next birthday. this birthday i just want chill. jeans. tshirt. yeah.... Saturday we're gonna go see his parents. and Sunday its  off to bham for my mom's parents' 50th wedding anniversary. 47 more years for Daniel and I til we hit that huge landmark. ;) wont seem so long with this amazing man i've found.

anyways. I've done a lot of blabbing. lol. as for my diet (which is why i started this blog) its just kinda slowly going. I'm not really losing, but Daniel and I aren't really vegan... we're like... 40% vegan... we probably will never be 100%...but we'll be closer than we are now...probably more like 85%-90%. lol.  but as for right now, theres just too much going on and we don't really have enough money to cover going vegan more than that. lol. what we're doing now is about breaking the bank. stupid healthy food being more expensive. meh, it happens. We'll be able to afford more once everything gets situated. lol.


but yea...so...life goes by fast...and its funny because it used to seem like the years went soo slowly...but now they are here then gone and its a new one and you're stuck sitting there staring going "wow...its already July, almost August? Dang.."

anyways. thats all cuz i'm starting to ramble because i'm exhausted. i'll write more eventually.

adios

Holidays and Birthdays

oh man. this ones a doozie.


So...as you all know from my facebook posts and my last blog, Daniel and I have started eating a whole foods plant based diet (which from now on will just be WFPBD to save me some time). Well, as you know, today is July 4th, 2012. Happy Independence Day to all of you and yours btw! So today is usually about grilling out burgers, hot dogs, ribs, ect ect...spending time with family... well none of us wanted to cook, we just wanted to chill. So we went to Logan's.

Logans is fantastic. Btw. I love their steak. So I got a steak, baked potato, house salad with ranch and had a potato skin, a wing, and half a mozzarella stick. (and of course, a couple rolls). I ate about 6 bites of steak, 4 bites of potato, most of my salad....2 rolls...a wing, potato skin, and half a mozzarella stick. omg. i feel so sick to my stomach. like...i felt fine...until my steak was brought out...then i was like "oh my word." so word of wisdom to all those out there trying to eat better--don't do what i did.

I got my normal. My normal isn't normal for me anymore...so naturally my stomach is like "WTF uh-uh!" its gonna be a long night. So now its got me thinking "oh crap, my birthday is in 2 weeks...what am i gonna do?" NOT EAT AS MUCH. idk what got into me tonight...i went in saying "oh i wont eat that much"....but i guess it didn't seem like that much until the steak got there and then i was like "crap. now what?" lol. it happens...not gonna go beating myself up over it..just gonna know for next time...lol.


On a good note, i am seeing a difference (probably wont tomorrow, but whatever...i will friday. haha). So at the beginning of June, I was stuck at 250lbs. even. for like...3 weeks. never budging. always 250.0. I am proud to say that as of yesterday morning, I am at 246.8. That is just after one week of eating the WFPBD the best i can and cutting out most dairy, if not all. AND I talked to Sheryl (my boss) last night at the staff meeting and she said she was going to come up with a way for me to be able to step out of the classroom and eat a small snack so I am not tempted to eat the kids food anymore.  I wanted to talk to her after the staff meeting because its calmer than attempting to talk during a hectic busy workday. I should find out tomorrow what I can do about that...So that makes me feel better. I can start bringing small plant based snacks that are dense and low in calories so it will get me all the way til 130. I have a feeling I will probably be allowed to eat it around 1030-1130. 1030 is when we come in from outside, 1130 is when the kids eat lunch. She started to say it was okay for me to eat carrots and stuff while the kids ate their lunch, but then I was like "i thought we couldn't eat our own food in front of the kids?!" and so she told me she'd figure something out by Thursday and let me know. I'm bringing a snack with me tomorrow just in case. ;) tomorrow is water day too...which means its gonna be nice and hot and i'm gonna be starving by the time we get back inside. lol.


I look forward to the next few months...learning what to do what not to do, making a difference in Daniel and my lives, my family's lives, our overall health. I've learned some great recipes already, and really enjoy them...(in fact tomorrow i'm making one from vegkitchen.com called Black Bean and Zucchini Tortilla Casserole)........however, I need some more breakfast recipes..I'm kinda getting tired of the oatmeal. i like it...but not every day kind of like it. LOL. maybe i'll start alternating that with a protein shake or something...... who knows(OH if any of you wanna get me a bday present, Everyday Happy Herbivore, 30 Minutes or Less Vegan.... actually, any vegan cookbook would be nice. LOL!!! just saying.... or money. money is always appreciated. LOL. )


anyways. i think i'm gonna go curl up in my bed, read my book and then listen to fireworks. This is my first *chill* fourth. i usually try to do something, but i've REALLY enjoyed just relaxing...would have been more relaxing if it was at the beach......but doesn't that go for all of us? lol.

I hope ya'll all had a safe and happy 4th. Enjoy the rest of your week!

OHH and if you have any good bfast ideas or recipes, message me or comment! I'm willing to do anything at this point.

A Natural Renewal

Okay...since most of the people who read this are off of facebook, you guys may have been realizing i've been posting about my "vegan" meals....well here's the story behind it all. Scoff if you want, I've already lost 3 lbs just by eating HEALTHY.


So here goes:

  Last Saturday, Daniel and I went over to his parents' house to celebrate his dad's birthday. While we were over there, we got on the subject of diet. His brother kept on saying "cut out dairy. period. its awful. get rid of it" and being the stubborn old me, i rolled my eyes thinking "ya ya, whatever." (sorry christian, its true. thats what i was thinking... LOL) but anyways...so we talked and talked about nutrition and stuff, and then Christan mentioned this documentary called Forks Over Knives on Netflix (and that is a link to the website in case you were curious).... they started to play it, but then daniel and his mom wanted to watch more of Surviving the Cut (a military documentary series)...so we forgot about it...until Sunday.

Daniel turned it on, and for the first 30 minutes, i didn't give a rats you-know-what about it. I was just chillin looking up random stuff on the internet and browsing...then after about 30 minutes, he turns to me and said "i'm pausing it until you stop what you are doing and watch this with me." when i realized he was serious, i begrudgingly shut the netbook and sat up to watch it.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I never realized half the stuff they talked about. (if you haven't watched it, download it or watch it on Netflix.) It showed a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer, but she switched to a plant based diet (which is what this documentary focused on) and it went into remission. countless people on here showing that diabetes was almost cured where they didn't have to take the medicines anymore... people with headaches (like ME) who switched and they hardly ever get headaches anymore...stuff like that...not to mention, they lose weight. So it got daniel and i talking.

We decided right then it was time for a change. We went to The Fresh Market, Barnes and Noble, and Target that day to try to come up with pricing, and we found the book that went with the documentary (it has some delish recipes!) we bought that...found some recipes we wanted to try, and got a few items from Target to start us off. On Tuesday, we went to Earth Fare and bought 5 different kinds of beans, basmati brown rice, and quinoa (and spent some time with Daniel's mom--which was fantastic!) we got a lot of items to kind of jump start us.

Now, I know you're thinking "bethany, what the HECK has gotten into you?!? are you crazy?!?" no i'm not crazy. i just want to get healthy. and after watching that documentary, i didn't see what i had to lose by attempting to eat a bunch more whole grains, veggies, and fruit. like seriously? not that hard. We're not going COMPLETELY vegan...at least not right now...mainly because we're living with my parents and that would be hard as heck to do. but, the past 3 nights we've made our own meals while my parents made theirs. just because we wanted to....we aren't technically "starting" until Sunday, but we were anxious to try some random stuff. lol. for example:
   Wednesday night I got home and was like "hmmm. i want to throw a bunch of random veggies in a pot with brown rice and veggie broth and a little bit of our soy sauce alternative..." and daniel was like "okay?!?" so we cooked brown rice, chopped up some carrots, celery, onion, and some of that soy sauce stuff...and it was FANTASTIC. lol and filling, of course.

Last night i made vegan tacos (sorta)...boca crumbles, a tiny bit of cheese (hence the sorta), spinach, tomato,  black beans...whole wheat whole grain tortilla.....and of ccourse for breakfast we've been doing this recipe from the cookbook called "cinnamon raisin oatmeal". old fashioned oats, cinnamon, and raisins. easy. and if you like it creamy, add a bit of almond milk and you're good to go. ;)

the only thing i'm gonna really have a problem with is work. -.- i wish there was a way for me to step out of the room and eat a few carrots or celery or something...but alas there is not so i'll just have to make do for now. :)

but yeah. so... thoughts?  been wanting to post a blog for a while now, but all i was gonna post before hand was one titled "dark wings, dark words" because i was about to give up completely with everything going on. working out is out of the question for right now (too much stress between work, cooking, and working out)...so...i'm trying to be more active (if thats even possible) at work....and just..eating "vegan." or as close as we can. but i seriously was gonna give up completely...but after seeing 3lbs come off just this week??...yeah okay...i'm stoked. not gonna lie. but anyways.

this is dinner from tonight--quinoa topped with squash, zucchini, broccoli, chickpeas, carrots, celery, onion, and a bit of veggie broth. ;)

 comments appreciated! :)

Chalkin' it up to Stress

I've been looking for answers over the last week as to why I haven't been losing like I was or wanted to...and everywhere I've read its stated "stress is a leading factor in weight gain, you should avoid getting too stressed out or your body will start storing fat."  and i'm like "avoid stress? how!?!"

That is what i want to know from you guys...stress busters, stuff to help...cuz this is ridiculous. I've been so stressed out over the last week...(i got a lot going on, and work isn't helping me AT ALL). I don't know what to do. I'm assuming that the massive migrane that has about made me pass out 3 times this morning was from the stress over the week just building and building until BAM. migrane. yuck.  I know why i get stressed out... I'm a planner (in case you guys don't know that)...I like everything to be in order, i want to know whats going to happen and when, and i'm slightly OCD about it.

My mom has told me for years I need to be "more flexible" and for YEARS i've tried and tried again...but this little thing inside me makes me want to plan every moment of every day and clock it to the millisecond. When shit hits the fan, however, I go bonkers. I'm immediately in emergency mode trying to re-plan everything and stressing out if i can't get it all done. I dont know how to fix this. I mean, its just who i am. I grew up saying the verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6


a bit ironic, don't you think? I've been saying that since i was like...12...and yet..thats the one aspect of me i need work on. being anxious. stressing out. worrying. I'm a mother hen worrying over everyone including myself. I guess i just let it get the best of me. When people tell me that i need to chill out or stop worrying so much...i look at them and i'm like "how. you show me how. cuz i've been trying to CHILL OUT for 10 years now...and I STILL haven't figured it out."

But i'm assuming this is why i'm not losing. Now, don't take that the wrong way and think "oh no, you've gained those 10lbs back already?" NOPE. i'm stuck at 248.6. which is better i guess than gaining it back. lol.  but thats my issue. I have a FANTASTIC diet. (aside from cheat days, which are OKAY in my book as long as i don't go overboard, and i usually don't because i do not want to undo my work so far). I am eating healthier than i ever have...and i've gotten my parents on board too. which is HUGE. my mom is slowly growing to like the wheat versions..like brown rice, low cal bread, wheat buns, ect. slowly, but i'm trying. i eat more fresh fruit and veggies than i ever have...and fiber and protein galore. Little to no processed foods. I think i'm doing fantastic on my diet.

My exercise? I have never felt so great about exercise. I love it. I miss it when I'm sick or have to miss it (like last night) because i have more pressing matters to face. Now granted, i could have gone after I had taken care of all that crap i had to do when i got off last night, but by that time i was starving, it was 7p, and the gym closed in 2 hours...and i was like 20 minutes away without my clothes. so i was like "nope. couch time." so....yeah...and obviously if i can't get this damn migrane to go away i wont be able to go tonight--seeing as i want to go to work tomorrow.

I do resistance training 2days/wk. the other 3 i do cardio (with 2 rest days preferably...) but 4 days at the gym is better than none, so sometimes i may have 3 rest days...but i wont kick myself too much over it. I think it will be easier once everything is sorted out with Daniel and the USAF and we have dates and stuff and i can plan and he can plan and we'll all be hunky dory. also after some other stuff sorts itself out, we will be good. but right now? I got so much going on that i cannot even think straight. I was trying to pray before going to bed and kept getting sidetracked. within a 2 minute prayer. really?! i got too much going on.

but anyways...i know most of you don't get stressed out like i do...but you can't possibly NEVER get stressed...so tell me...what do YOU do to keep yourself  virtually "stress-free"?

that is all. comment or message me on FB

adios

Discouraged. :(

I know the weight loss journey hasn't been easy yet, and i know it wont be...but today i'm feeling a little bit discouraged. I've been fluctuating between 248.6 and 250.6 for the past three days and I do not understand it. I'm eating below my calorie max on spark people, i'm working out, i always have a deficit of 1000 or more....i don't understand it. I've been eating fresh fruit like there's no tomorrow, doing protein shakes after resistance training, making sure what i eat is healthy....i should be losing, not hitting a plateau this early. It makes me mad... i don't know why i'm not losing. I don't know why i'm stuck. its just really discouraging.

i have no motivation right now. at all. there's so many stressors in my life right now, I've got better things to worry about than my weight. Which it shouldn't be this way. I mean, i still want to lose weight--don't get me wrong...its just...even with me making all these changes and making sure that i'm below my calorie limit and stuff...i'm not losing...and its really REALLY disheartening. I just don't know what i'm doing wrong.


I'm so...idk..scared that my efforts are not making progress...i mean obviously they're not...because after 10lbs of loss, i'm stuck exactly at 10lbs lost...and some mornings i'm only 8lbs lost. its irritating. i don't know what i'm doing wrong! heres a look at my day yesterday...

breakfast--1 cup multigrain cheerios w/ milk; fruit (strawberries, banana, blueberries)

lunch--tuna salad sandwich, 100cal popcorn, apple

dinner--protein shake made of pure protein powder, milk, strawberries, and blueberries; graham cracker

my total calorie intake for the day was like...1450 or something like that...my max is 1680... i had a calorie differential of 1052 or something like that. -.- that slightly irritates me. i did my resistance training yesterday too.  idk... i'm just so discouraged... i don't know what i'm doing wrong. i should be under 240 by now. :(


help? i need advice.... tips....encouragement...something. :(

In Sickness and in Health

Okay. so. let me just start by saying that i feel awful right now. for more than one reason.  1) I went up on the scale (which doesn't really bother me that much, i just know it would have gone down if i had gone to the gym last night instead of eating dinner...lol) 2) I didn't go to the gym last night because I was past the point of exhaustion and i didn't want to get sick 3) i'm sick. -.-

It seems to me that every freaking time i try to get back in the swing of things, i get sick. Part of that is probably because i work in a daycare and these kids are like little germ monsters trying to get rid of me or something. Another is probably because I have been working so hard, and pushing myself past where i usually go (which is nowhere on most days before trying to get healthy) so my systems like "whoa whoa, let me catch up!" now i've been trying to get about 8 hours of sleep. Which means on a day where I "wake up" at 6, I go to bed around 10ish. which is easy to do when you go to the gym and aren't home til at least 7ish...cuz i still have to go get a shower, eat something, ect. So by the time thats all done, its 9p. lol...

but last night i made the ultimate decision to stay another day home from the gym (wednesday was my rest day)...and well...i feel bad...but i made that decision because i was so tired that on my lunch i almost didn't have time to eat because i about collapsed on the couch. Idk why i was so tired, but i think it had something to do with 1) i am coming down with something; 2) we had water play yesterday morning so i was in the sun for 2 hours.

*sigh* i'm hoping I can make it through today mainly unscathed. I'm gonna take B12 on my lunch...hell i may go ahead and take one now. but today is supposed to be a resistance day and i loveee doing my resistance training. I work 730-430, so i'll end up getting home about the time i would if i worked 830-530. :)  so i mean thats not bad. and i can take a benedryl and sleep as late as i want tomorrow. LOL. i'm also going to take an airborne or 2 today. idk. sore throat started out wednesday night...and it just has slowly gotten a little bit worse. not to the awful point of not being able to swallow (thank GOD)...but its like that nasty drainage sore throat stuff. its irritating.

OH so let me explain my title for the blog. I've figured out this morning that getting healthy is like a marriage of sorts. You should try to get healthy no matter what, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, ect ect. Healthy is a lifestyle. Working out is a lifestyle. You should always try to better yourself.....(unless you're obscenely sick). I was reading somewhere that if you're sick above the neck  (cough, runny nose, mild sore throat) but don't have a fever or anything like that, you're good to go do your workout, just lighten the load if you feel the need...however, if you are sick below the neck (chest congestion, fever, body aches, ect) then steer clear of the gym and just wait until about 48 hours after your symptoms chill out before going.  So all i have is this nasty drainage-produced sore throat...so i guess i'm good to go to the gym tonight...i just hope i can. i really would like to see a 3lb loss this week...i mean, 2lbs is fine...but... yeah...and i know that my weight fluctuates really from day today--but i like to weigh in daily because it helps keep me accountable. though i may try to wait until sunday to check again. lol. idk. im not sure i can actually stop weighing myself daily. tried it before, and i end up weighing out of curiosity. lol.

anyways.

thats really all i've had on my mind...just that i feel bad about not going to the gym last night and stuff...but... i mean...you win some you lose some.

now here's a question for you guys....with me working full time (monday-friday 830-530 chasing 3 year olds) do you think that going to the gym 4/7 days is enough for me to see weight loss? i'm scared that 5 may be too much and i'll get sick and stuff.... but idk.

ya'll have a good friday. and TGIF. so glad its the weekend. just wish it was 4 days long instead of 2. whoever came up with a "2 day" weekend was seriously crazy. should have made it 4 days. lol.

Oh the smell of victory!

First goal? Accomplished. -10lbs exactly this morning. Been going slow, but  i guess thats a good thing. :) I have gone from 258.6 to 248.6.

This is a sweet victory for me. It shows that I'm doing something right...oh and I havent been under 250 since Daniel and I got married 3 years ago.

Next goal? under 240. haven't seen that number since I was in high school. It will be a fantastic breakthrough! Anyways. I'm really enjoying this cooking schedule (if my parent's wont mess it up!!! they're wanting to change stuff around already and i'm like NO. i have my week planned....lol) But the schedule is really helping. I've also increased my FRESH FRUIT intake. its fantastic. why didn't i buy fresh fruit before????? i love it! Like just this morning i had a bowl of multi-grain cheerios (ohh and i've found that baby bowls are the perfect size to fit one cup ((one serving)) and make it look like its 2 or 3...lol! so it tricks your brain!) but anyways, i had the cheerios and then i had a "fruit salad" where i mixed 3 strawberries sliced up, 10 blueberries, and 1 banana. it was fantastic. I love fruit! i'll probably have grapes with my lunch. but it made me feel fanastic to know that what i'm doing is working. I can't wait to go to the doctor next (will probably be in about 3 months because i'll need a refill on my birth control anyways)...he'll be like "WHOA! good job!" and i'll be like "yeah, it was nothing!" lol. nah i'm just kidding. but seriously...everytime i go in there he CHIDES me about my weight. now i'm actually doing something about it. (Granted i've been going to this doctor since I was like....5....so.....i guess he has a reason to chide me)

but anyways. i couldn't wait to tell you guys! i had to post! but yeah...today is a rest day from working out, and it is much needed. my cats kept us up last night and i'm sore! I did 45 minutes in the pool last night. i did about 28 minutes of  freestyle and about 17 of just "general swimming" which is what i term my "cool down" laps as. just because its not technically the backstroke, i'm really just laying on my back and gently kicking myself down to one end and back. lol. or "derping" as daniel would call it.

*yawn* anyways. I'm off, gotta finish getting ready for work. thank you guys for believing in me! :D

A Weight Has Been Lifted

Seriously. Several weights have been lifted tonight. LOL. sorry corny, i know. but anyways. first round of resistance training happened about 30 minutes ago and i am going to be soreeee tomorrow! lol. i never knew just how week my upper body was until today. ouch. my left arm? yeah...muscles NON EXISTENT. after 2 reps i was already shaking. lol

But anyways. I think this will really help me. I feel awesome. The meal plans for the week are also helping. We were able to buy all the groceries we needed on Friday night (which i mentioned in my last post) and it helped me plan my lunches and breakfasts accordingly. today i really haven't eaten that much. :) My dinner is going to be a PB & Banana sandwich even though my mommy cooked amazing chili sauce pork chops and rice.... i'll be eating that for lunch tomorrow. I just didn't want that much food on my belly right after working out...i probably wont eat for another 30 minutes or so anyways...just cuz i have to let my body chill after working out before i eat anything.

Tomorrow's gym plan is to swim for about 30-45 minutes if possible. shouldn't be an issue. but...i don't know how sore i'm gonna be...may turn out to be just an elliptical day if i'm awfully sore.... lol. I am glad i am going right after work. I had more energy at work today...and well, yeah, it helps.  It also helps when you don't run out of water halfway through your workout. -.- that was irritating. i got home and was like "WAAATTTEEEERRRRR!!!" i've already had almost a whole water bottle. i've been home for about 10 minutes.


I wanted to post tonight...i had so much to talk about...but really all i want to do right now is go shower. lol. OHHH and after all that crap i've eaten the past couple weeks, I'm back under 250. weighed in at 249.6 today. hopefully i'll be down to 245-246 by next Monday...I think its do-able. I just gotta work really hard. :)

here's my week's outlook:

Today--Resistance Training with 10minute warm up on elliptical
Tomorrow-Swim for 30-45 OR Elliptical for 45
Wednesday-Rest Day
Thursday--YOGALATES!! fantastic.
Friday--Resistance Training with 10minute warm up on elliptical
Saturday--Elliptical for 45 minutes; Swimming for 20

huzzah. maybe i'll see results now that i have EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE PLANNED. lol


OHHHH speaking of that. Daniel goes to the MEPS in Nashville on Monday. HURRAY!!!  finally, the ball gets rolling! after that we'll know when basic is.

alright stop. its showertime.

gosh. there goes corny me again. lol

have a good night and a great week! :D

Turning Tables

Okay, so i thought the song "Turning Tables" would work as a title because thats what i feel like i'm doing. Turning the tables away from high fat, high calorie crapola and turning it into high protein, lower calorie choices.

I  have come up with this BRILLIANT idea for the family, and my slow brainwashing of my parents is working... dance my puppets, dance! LOL jk, anyways. but i came up with this idea during naptime  (yes, at work....) I was just sitting there in the dark about to pass out (thanks to a lovely fan and lullaby combo), and AHA it hit me. like a freight train.

What if, I could get my parents on a "schedule" so to say? I cook two nights, my dad cooks two nights, and my mom cooks two nights? Thats 6/7 nights that are cooked. Then I thought, "okay, so if i can pull off this whole schedule thing, what if i can make the 'cooked' choices healthier?" and BAM. there it was. SOOO....

This coming week starts the "cycle".  My mom, dad, and I sat down and figured out what we were cooking the rest of the week and then went grocery shopping. I have had a great deal of influence on the types of stuff we buy. My dad even told me last night "lets finish what we have here in the house, then we will get the healthier versions of ingredients. :)  I've grown addicted to the "healthier" tortillas when i do chicken/steak fajitas, chicken  quesadillas, ect ect.... the whole wheat, whole grain, high fiber ones. YES. and i've gotten away from refried beans and do reduced sodium black beans. :) same thing with hamburgers--while daniel and i were in the apartments, I came up with all sorts of healthier versions of foods i love. So i'm just starting to implement these here.

It feels good, ya know?  To see an idea you have blossom and be fantastic! I hope it sticks. I like this because not only does that mean theres less "ohhh idk what are we doing for dinner" "idk, what do you want?" "idk....fast food/chilis/ect?" and stuff like that, but it also will help me to plan for my lunches. HECK YES.

I can finally plan a full day's meals. What i plan on doing is with the dinners, i will put some in a tupperware dish for my lunch the next day...or like tonight we're doing steaks, so i'll probably put some steak and half a potato in one for Monday's lunch. :) cuz i like steak. ;)

but, if i haven't told you already, i'm done with stupid slimfasts. go ahead, applaud. I'm proud. i thought they were good for you until i started looking into them more. I mean they worked for Daniel...but he still has to get his Body Fat % down, and i want to do it all at the same time, soooo here we go. :)

OHH and i have found a new love. ENGLISH MUFFINS. holy cow, why did i never try these before???? i love love love the Cinnamon Raisin ones...in fact, i had one of those and an apple for bfast and i'm actually full. ;) fantastic.  I also am dying to try a new idea that i had...a Light English Muffin with 2 tbsp of whipped cream cheese and strawberry slices. idk. it sounded good. lol. i also have fresh blueberries to try with it as well...though i'm not as big of a fan of blueberries as i am of strawberries. BUT I AM making whole wheat, fresh blueberry pancakes tomorrow morning. So. Excited.


sooo yeah. i don't see why this wont work. I'm also meeting with a personal trainer at the gym today at 3 because we never came up with a personalized workout plan and i need help. lol. i have a LOT of questions for him. :)

anyways. thanks for keeping me accountable (keeba). ;) and lori and all you other amazing people out there...you guys have no idea how much it helps to have someone tell you to your face "um, all you're doing is making excuses for yourself. you need to stop." :)

have a great saturday!

Excuses

everyone makes excuses--whether it be for what they eat, how they act, what they look like, ect.... sooo its just natural to come up with my own...even though i know its dumb.

I've had a lot going on, and life's been crazy, and works been crap.....those are my general excuses. this weekend? craaazzyyy...luckily I haven't gained anything...still sitting right where i've been. I've had a couple of lightbulbs flash on at work during naptime (apparently when the lights go out, my brain turns on....) and i think these ideas are really gonna help me.

The hardest thing for me right now is the "on the go" lifestyle. I feel like i'm always going going going and never stopping. I mean, my weekends are usually chill, but those are the only days...by the time i get home from work during the week, I'm plum exhausted. just ready to eat dinner and go to bed.

One thing you guys will be glad to hear--i'm done with slimfast. I've read so many things about just how bad they are for you, so i'm done. I've turned to healthier options and more filling options. My parents and I are going to come up with a "plan" so to say for dinners. we're each going to cook 2 meals/week. that only leaves 1 day without anyone cooking....if one of us feels like it, we can...if we dont, we can do something small...or lauren said she would even want to cook depending on what her work schedule would be. This would help cut back on the "i have no clue whats for dinner..." on the fly kind of eating...which never ends well.

I know i've made a lot of excuses. I'm gracious to the few of you who have called me out on it too. I need that. (just as long as its done privately not publicly).... I'm motivated to lose the weight-especially after watching this TLC show called "Obese and Expecting"....i DO NOT want to go there. -.-  I want to be healthy when I get pregnant. I dont want to worry about GD or Preeclampsia or any of that mess.  My problem is not the "lack of motivation"...its the focus. I lose focus when "life comes at me fast". And it takes me forever to gain that focus back. but this time i got the focus back a little faster and I owe it all to God. I've been praying and Daniel has been praying for me too... This isn't easy, and I need His help.

I'm hoping that everything will start to chill out soon so working out and all this stuff will start getting easier. lol. I know it wont be completely easy...but it will get easiER. lol.

anyways. thats just my little excerpt for tonight. i just wanted to let ya'll know whats on my mind and how i feel right now.

I am going to call the gym tomorrow and try to see if i can get a "personalized plan" for working out since i never did that when i had my little consultation. Maybe they can get me something that will work better than 45 minutes on the elliptical. I keep reading that you need variation in your workouts...and while doing the hour and a half on the elliptical every day that worked for Daniel, that wont work for me. 1) i'm a woman. 2) i'm heavier than him.

so...we'll see how that goes.

thanks for all your support!! :D

Off The Beaten Path

Oh boy...here's where "confessions" comes in. lol. I've had a rough couple weeks. I haven't gained any (Thank you, God!) but boy am i surprised at that. I haven't been as good. At all. I'm starting to realize just how hard it is to keep up with stuff like this when you are working full-time and attempting at having a life... LOL

so last week, we did o.k......up until my dad asked what we wanted from chik-fil-a and i obligingly told him my order, ate it, and felt AWFUL afterwards...so i vowed--ahhh, i wont do that again this week. -.- well. i disappointed myself 3 more times. LOL. well....4 or 5 really. So Tuesday, not only did i work all day, i also had a "training class" at 630p downtown....so i was like "oh man, i'm just gonna do a slimfast, we'll be good." so i drank a slimfast, had a cheese stick, and left. was in that class for a little over an hour and a half ...and was STARVING and shaking when i got done. so i stopped at Krystal (dont ask...random cravings...really gotta stop that). and at that at 8p. at night. yeah...not too proud. Wednesday, I had an AWFUL day at work...so as an attempt to get my mind off it, Daniel took me to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Chili's. I actually didn't eat too terribly there...i barely ate any of my steak or fries...and saved it for lunch the next day...idk...something about me being so upset made me queasy or something.... then thursday i ate pretty well.... but we went to bed really late thursday night because Ashley came over...then David showed up (he wasn't supposed to be home til friday!) lol so we were up a while... so we didn't go to the gym at 5 Friday morning. I haven't been since. -.- BECAUSE...

Friday night i got home from work in an awful mood, and i wanted to go out for drinks. so we got ready, and headed to Mellow Mushroom and had drinks. I had 3 of my faves, and that about did me. I was super giddy the rest of the night. we went and saw the 1045 showing of The Avengers, and from what I remember of it, it was really good.  I did refrain from getting popcorn......partially because its expensive and we have no money. LOL. but so i woke up Sat with a killer headache that did not go away really until yesterday afternoon sometime. (alcohol + crazy a** alabama weather=migrane) so no gym. either day. but i didn't eat awful...partially cuz i felt awful. lol. 

today? didnt go to the gym because once again, we went to bed late because the power went out while my sheets and comforter were in the washer/dryer. -.- that was lame. but yeah...planning on getting back on it probably tomorrow...but idk...may wait til next monday just cuz it seems like this week is gonna be a crazy one and idk... i feel bad...i haven't logged any calories since last friday...and stuff...but... i just...idk... I keep telling myself it will get easier when Daniel is in basic...because i can really focus on me...but i need to START now. if i don't, i'll be wayyy behind. 

I need help. I need a different schedule or something.... i was doing really good for a while there...almost thought it was working...but then last Monday just kinda killed it and idk... Daniel said when he was losing the weight, he had that happen...where he'd be doing really good then one meal and KABLAMO there went his self-control. -.-  idk... i thought having a full-time schedule would keep me busy enough to make it easy...but it doesn't when we can't eat anything but the kid's calorie-laden foods. what am i supposed to do when i'm shaking and need to eat something, and all i have sitting in front of me is a hamburger and tater tots?? let my blood sugar get so low that i get a killer headache i can't get rid of or even worse, pass out? I think not. I'm hoping my blood sugar issues will go away as i lose weight...but i doubt it. 

On a plus side, I have noticed some changes. (TMI)_my bras are all too big. like...i could fit another whole b-cup boob in there with mine. -.- like seriously? i've only lost 8lbs, what the heck? laaamee. I told Daniel at this rate when i get down to my goal weight of 130, I'll probably be an a-cup. he about cried. LOL

*sigh*  

anyways. idk. i guess i just wanted to let you guys know that this past week was awful...and i haven't had time to sit down and admit anything to ya'll yet. so here ya go. ya'll really do help keep me accountable. Idk. I just wish there was an easier way to stay on track. I know its never going to be easy...but...for some reason, i just let myself go. Again i repeat  I HAVE NOT GAINED ANYTHING. yet. so thats good. I'm still sitting at 250. just haven't been able to get below that yet. I know I need to just keep pushing on.  I cried to Daniel the other night...i feel like i always do this. Its a form of self-sabotage. This is what i've always done. i do good for a few weeks...then BAM...goodbye weight loss, hellooooooo fat!  idk. I know i need to have better self control than that...but its awfully hard...specially in my situation. 

well...if you have anything you'd like to tell me, let me have it. i need a good kick in the butt right now. 

adios

The Exhaustion Workout

So today I probably made a huge mistake by going to the gym. Don't get me wrong, i'm glad i went...but its gonna set me up for one hell of a day at work, especially with Myra still being gone. The reasons I think i made a mistake by going you ask?
1) I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep last night.
2) I'm still sick, and felt awful when i got up.
3) I was sore as anything from my run yesterday.

I really hope i didn't hurt myself today. my foot started killing me about halfway through my cardio...but i pushed through it. I feel awful though. like usually after my workouts, i feel awesome...but i just feel like crap today. I guess its because my body is exhausted and I just made it more tired.

All you fitness gurus out there, what do you do to get past stuff like this? I didn't want to take a rest day because I missed last Thursday and Friday and I knew i would hate myself if i didn't go...but now i feel terrible...what do you guys do to get past this kind of thing? its awful. :(  I'm going to be miserable all day today. chances of me sleeping on my lunch break instead of eating? 95%. lol. I think i'll take some excedrin back and body and some B12.

maybe that will help...i hope.

I'm sorry today is more of a "rambling" post. I'm kinda out of it. idk. just ready for it to be 8p so i can go back to bed...and hopefully sleep tonight. lol. tomorrow is a rest day...and i'm gonna need that because not only do i have work from 830-530, i have a class from 630-830. -.- remind me why i do this to myself? granted its not like i wanted to do the class. i have to for work. which is lame. they should have classes on the weekends or something so we don't have to go after dealing with crazy children all day. when we are tired. and aren't going to pay attention at all. bleh.

anyways. i guess i need to get ready for work. sorry not much to post about this morning. not really in the mood to type. :(

Almost there...just a little bit further....

The title of this post kinda goes towards everything...When I'm pushing myself at the gym or outside, with Daniel's Air Force stuff, with work... WITH THE SCALE. :D

I weighed in this morning at 251.0!!! Thats a total of 7.6lbs! I am ALMOST to the 10lb mark and that makes me extremely happy!!! This will be the first time I have been under 250 since before Daniel and I were dating!! (for those of you who don't know, Daniel and I started dating October of 2008...sooo...4 years...) and i was probably that weight for a while before then...i didn't weigh myself much at all...i could probably find out from my dr (he was the only one who ever weighed me back then). I'm so excited! Then it will only be another 20lbs til I'm to my freshman year of high school weight....and then it all goes down from there! ALSO i do not believe I have been under 200 since 6th grade? i think thats about when i stopped growing...but I'm pretty sure i was over 200 back then. I dont remember. I know I never weighed myself back then. (again, my dr probably knows. lol)

Today was a fun day...(if you could call it that). I am still fighting all this sinus crap which really makes it hard to focus when working out...or just plain working. I have been miserable at work the past few days. yuck! But anyways. This morning, it was super hard to get up for the gym...but we got up, i ate a granola bar, and we went. I did my usual 30min on the elliptical, 60 crunches on the balance ball, standing leg lifts, and some random arm stuff with the 2lb weights. just trying to tone as i go. Daniel commented that I don't really have anything to be worried about in the ways of excess skin because of all the stretching and toning stuff i do. I seriously stretch all the time. I have weak ankles. weak wrists. weak knees. because i'm fat. I have to stretch. all the time. I do the ones from ballet....even use the bar! lol its funny how much dance stuff i remember seeing as i haven't set foot in a dance studio since i was like..10. but i loved it, and i guess thats why i retained it.

So after all that at the gym this morning, we came home, i ended up getting that special monthly visit (gee thanks, really appreciate it, AF!), a camel cricket was waiting for me in the shower, and then i went to work.  came home on lunch and ate taco bell (i know i know, tsk tsk, so sue me) went back to work, and then after a 9 hour day at work, came home and chilled...then daniel and i went for a 3mi jalk. (jog+walk) We did it in about 50min...which isn't bad for a fatty like myself. thats about 3.6mph on average. Needless to say, I'm SOOO ready for bed. lol. which is actually where I'm blogging from tonight. Not my usual computer desk or couch but my nice big comfy bed. with my cats. (Sadly, their grandma isn't home tonight, so they have no one else to bother but their very own mommy...lol) Oreo about scared me to death because she pushed the door open and i didn't hear it and then POP there was a cat on my lap. i was like "uhm..do you want me dead, kitty? cuz then who would feed you?" lol she just looked at me and laid down. -.- doofus.

*sigh* Anyways. I just wanted to share my VICTORY with you. I'm excited. and ready. and motivated. and AHHHHH. Just ready. I know it takes time. I look forward to this journey though. Even though I know there will be trials and tribulations along the way, I really do look forward to it. It helps when you have someone so loving and supportive of you...My husband has been the best motivator I have ever had. I love him so much. And my family has helped too. I'm so grateful that God has given me all these wonderful people to keep me going! That means you, Lori, Cindy, Mimi, Papaw, Mrs. Sandy, Ashley, and all my other wonderful friends. I couldn't do this without you. Ya'll are amazing.

Love ya'll! Will hopefully post again on Friday!

-Beth

Sinuses and The Gym

This morning was rough. I woke up a few times during the night because of my sinuses...and all that fun stuff...then got up at 5 and went to the gym. I'm exhausted. Not only that, but it was really hard to push myself at the gym this morning. I kept having to clear my throat, my nose was running, i felt nauseous, and i was just physically tired. However, I managed to power through it and get my 30 minutes in on the elliptical. I also did my 60 crunches on the stability ball with 4lbs. and some leg lifts. and some squats...and now i'm sitting on the couch drinking coffee hoping it will be enough. lol.  I do believe I will be in need of some B12 today. I'm curious (to those of you out there who take supplements), is it better to take the B12 in the morning or on my lunch? I'm fine with taking it at either time--the thing with taking it on lunch is it helps me power through my afternoon at work. But idk if thats why i stayed up so late the last time i took it...so... i guess i will try taking it this morning and see if it will work better....

also--is it better just to take B12, or should i take a prenatal (i've found prenatals are gentler on my stomach than other multivitamins--plus it never hurts to start taking them before you get pregnant! i've heard it actually helps!) I was a little discouraged today...mainly because my stomach is acting up and i didn't go down any and i just feel awful...so...i had to have some words of encouragement from the hubby. Its gonna be a long hard road ahead of me...I've never lost more than 10lbs (only to gain that back), so....if i can get down past that mark--and keep going down, i'll be more apt to feel more encouraged. Its just a matter of getting that goal first. 

I've been reading into something called a "keto diet" which is basically Atkins/south beach. Low carb. extremely low carb. I was like "oh that sounds easy! I don't think i'm eating that many carbs...maybe like..100g..."...then i looked at my carb totals in sparkpeople and OMG i eat like...200 carbs a day (which is in my range on the site, and i actually stay under their max)....and these diets are like "<25g a day" and i'm like "HOW IN THE HECK?!?!?!" Idk. I've seen pictures and i've gotten really interested in it. I think the only way I'd be able to succeed doing something like that would be if my entire family got on it too. Which idk if i can talk them into doing this...i mean as long as we cut back on carbs like pasta, bread, ect. just start eating more protein and good fats.  i want to go on it for a week and see how it does me...i've heard that it can sometimes cause a "keto flu" which is basically your body going "WTFFFF?!?" and dragging it through withdrawals from deliciously addicting carbs. lol. 

on an extremely good note, however, Daniel and I did a 5 mile circuit on Saturday...it felt good...I have several blisters and some extremely sore knees/ankles, but I made it the whole 5 miles and felt amazing afterwards. That is the longest I have walked at one time EVER. we even jogged a little bit of it. which is probably why my knees and ankles hurt. They had 252lbs of fat being pulled towards the ground ontop of them. I don't blame them, I'd be irritated too! lol OH YEAH i'm down to 252. new low. HUZZAH. I can get under 250 this week. I know i can. especially if daniel and i try to do some form of workout on tuesdays and thursdays. to keep me active. we'll see. lol

but anyways. hopefully we'll be able to figure something out.  time for me to get ready for work. adios!

5K Frenzy

Hello all you people out there.

So i know my blog hasn't been very interesting to read lately or in depth or shown any awesome feats yet...well I'm still working at it. all that stuff last weekend kinda make me put everything on hold. Which is fine. I'm glad I went to birmingham. Anyways.

Here's something completely off the subject of losing weight, yet will make all the difference. I went to the dentist for the first time since 2009. before my wedding. They cleaned my teeth and they look fantastic!!! The reason that has anything to do with what i'm doing is because i feel i have a beautiful smile again. I want a "beautiful body" to go with that BEAUTIFUL smile (though it still needs braces--but i can do invisalign somewhere down the road...lol) I know you guys are gonna say "you're beautiful now!" but to me, I am and I'm not. Some days I feel gorgeous...some days i feel as ugly as a pig...I want to be down where I'm comfortable ALL THE TIME...not vain in any sense, just comfortable and healthy. Thats all I ask.

So here's where the title comes in. I have friends on facebook that run 5k's all the time! It makes me sad. I want to be able to run one...but right now, I can't even run a mile!!!!!!! I jog, walk, jog, walk, jog, walk....and the jogging? I'm lucky if its even for a minute or longer... then my knees or ankles start to hurt, and my side starts to cramp...and well there ya go--i'm done. lol. However, thats only outside. I get the stitch and stuff still when i run on a treadmill, but i don't get out of breath as easily...and i can easily do 2 miles on the elliptical (though i know that doesn't matter). lol. do you guys have any ideas why I get out of breath easier outside than inside? it is rather irritating. I want to work towards being able to do a 5k. Daniel and I have this little path that he has created when he does his 5mi run/walk every evening that he says should be about the length of a 5k. (he mapped it out on mapquest...) We think that every Saturday or Sunday (whatever day we can that week) we will go and start me out walking most and jogging some...and slowly build up speed. that alone should aide the weight loss as well as reaching my goal of being able to do a 5k, no?

I want to run in the Liz Hurley Ribbon Run next year. before I move away. before I leave Huntsville, I want to run a 5k along friends (and my husband if possible). If daniel is still here when there is a 5k that we are ready for, we will run it together. But if he is gone before I get ready to run one? I will run with my friends. However, I would really like to run one with my husband when i reach that goal. It would feel awesome accomplishing that with him by my side, just as he accomplished his weight loss with me cheering him on and he will be doing the same for me as i reach my goals one at a time. For now...I know I've said this before... but i will reiterate them.

I want to lose 20lbs by my birthday. Should be a piece of cake if i don't have any more random trips away from home and stuff. I was doing really good there for those two weeks. and I'm still doing pretty well. We came back Monday...ate pretty terribly but only gained 1lb back. that made me feel better. This morning I was at 253.2 a new low....only .2lbs less than where i was before I left, but still it went down. Hoping to see 252 tomorrow...You know what that would mean? I can be under 250 next week. Do you know how excited I am? I haven't seen under 250 since high school. This will thrill me to no end. It makes me want to work harder. Now, when i eat terrible (like i did this past weekend), not only does it upset my stomach, but it also makes me feel bad for eating so many calories. Like i enter them into sparkpeople and am like "dang. i should have known better." but it makes it easier when those temptations arise because i can say "remember how you felt when you put that into spark people the last time? yeah. don't do it." lol.

I wish daniel had put the pics back on my netbook (he wiped it early because it was giving me issues)...i wanted to post the motivational pic i have as my cover photo on facebook. it states "Know whats better than eating that thing you've wanted for days? Losing that weight you have wanted to lose for years." I could not have found a better motivational image than that. God threw that one at me. It made me so ecstatic that i spent almost an hour trying to resize it perfectly for my cover photo (and that was a real B****...lol)

but anyways. I really would appreciate the feedback. It would help!! :) especially with the 5k stuff (all you 5k-ers out there!)

you guys are awesome!