The Comfort Zone

We all have it. That little happy routine and place where we repeat over and over. The one thing we can't seem to shake. The place we go to hide when everything else is uncertain.

I've been stuck in mine for years.

Until today. Well really, 2 weeks ago. But today REALLY starts getting me out of "the zone."

I've always been one to make sure we had breakfast food when it was breakfast, lunch food when it was lunch, and dinner food when it was dinner--no questions asked...except for the occasional breakfast for dinner just for kicks and giggles. I've always been the one to sit at home, watching TV, wondering--much like Rapunzel from Tangled--When will my life begin?

I have my prince charming already--oh yes. Daniel is my knight in shining armor (or should i say Airman in green camo?), he is my everything---but when I ask myself, when will my life begin?, I'm moreso asking when will I get my crap together and actually START my life. Losing the weight, starting my family, ect. When  will I be brave enough to step out of that comfort zone I've been in for so long? The answer up until now was "eventually."  Two weeks ago that changed. Two weeks ago I took a leap of faith and saw a personal trainer. He is pretty awesome. He's only 20/session, which isn't bad--so that helps. I just can't go see him every day...sometimes I may only be able to see him once a week--but I see him. Accountability--its what matters. Then, Daniel and I were talking about his nutritional plan. We decided it would be best for me to do it. Tim (my trainer) has full faith that it will help me. It didn't cost an arm and a leg to do either, so that makes it easier.

Today is Day 1. I had a lot of anxiety after getting my "meal plan" and workout plan. I am not the one to eat the same thing over and over....but there it was in black and white--Meals 1-6--for the next 30 days. O.O  let me just say, I had a minor freak out. LOL especially because I saw that I will be eating Steak and oatmeal for breakfast. SAY WHAT?! yeah. I dont do normal food for breakfast. but alas--i woke my butt up this morning (much groaning from me because Daniel just got home at 7 so i only got like..10 minutes of snuggle time this morning! :( boo!) and I cooked a steak. I love steak. I'm actually glad i'm doing this plan. Daniel doesn't like steak. so now i get to enjoy my steak every morning for the next month. I might get tired of it, which again would be good for Daniel. ;) LOL

All in all, I think this will be good for me. Its completely cutting dairy and sugar out of my diet--except for a "dot" of honey that I'm allowed SOMETIMES on my oatmeal if i get bored of the flavor. But it will give my body a chance to heal and see if I might have some intolerances to dairy that i didn't know about. I dont drink milk, i just can eat my weight in greek yogurt--it is my go-to snack. haha as for sugar...i have been thinking about cutting out sugar the past couple months, so that one was welcome....even if it means i can't eat a banana or strawberries or blueberries... I'll survive--its only for a month. :)

Aside from all the new changes in my diet and workout life--i also have other changes in my life. As of this friday, I'm no longer a nanny. The hours were getting to be too much and I was overstressing--as were they. So we both decided it would be best if they put Jack back in daycare. It was mutual, and I'm still going to be their go-to babysitter for weekends or if no one can pick jack up when he needs to, I'll go get him--ect ect. :) So thats good. I'm a little stressed, but I know we'll make it work. I'm trying to get on board with a more part time job, and I've also decided to be more involved with AF doings. :) I'm going this weekend to meet with a few ladies about becoming a Key Spouse for Daniel's squadron. I will be a point of contact, I will organize get togethers, I will help wives out if their hubbies are deployed, I will help them out if they just need it. Something I LOVE doing--helping others. I'm really hoping I am able to do it. I am also thinking about being the Point of Contact for something called Cinderella's Closet. Basically--i'd be a dress consultant and help them find the perfect dress for the occasion and I will keep track of inventory and whatnot. So thats awesome. I have to meet with the board and talk to them though, so we shall see. I'm just trying to be more involved. I'm hoping that by involving myself I will be less depressed, less out of sync. I really want to be happy here, at least for Daniel. We've got *at LEAST* another year, if not 2 here. I best make the most of it.

I think one reason I'm having a hard time is I dont really have any friends--not like at Keesler. I have my best friend here, but we don't see each other daily. Well, we used to--but then life happened. haha. At keesler I was used to constantly doing something with Lani and Nichole, so I think that really got me spoiled. haha  I'll get over it though. I'm trying, I'm trying to find more friends, I'm trying to branch out and do more for the squadron, and most of all--I'm doing my best to support my husband. Thats why I'm here. I love him, I cherish him, and I am here for him--to support him. I am one lucky woman.


As for now, I think thats everything. I'm pretty sure I'm about to go to Ross--even though I wanted Daniel to go with me so he can try on a shirt--I dont want to lose that dress! OHH. Yeah, thats right I didn't say anything in here. We are attending our first formal military event! Its the 5th MOB's 50th anniversary next week, and we got the honor of being able to attend the banquet! I'm so excited! So of course that means, getting my nails done, doing my hair pretty, and having a BEAUTIFUL gown. I hope. *fingers crossed* that its still at Ross, lol. It was so pretty though, I'm scared it will get snatched up!

Anywho, I hope all of you are having a great week! I will post more often now that my schedule is opening up....maybe. Haha you know me, I always say I'll try to post more and life just often gets in the way!

Have a great HUMP DAYYYYYYY. :)

-Beth

Just for kicks and giggles--look how big my wedding dress is on me!

Never Boring

Life has been crazy...isn't it always? I got to see my sweet little nephews, Skyler and Colton, on May 18. That was the first time I've seen them in over 2 years, and the last time I saw them was literally for 15 minutes. I've missed them.

me and my sweet nephews! 

We had a really good visit, and I wish Daniel had been able to accompany me (he was on call with his shop the entire weekend. boo). I also wish my parents, little sis, and little bro could have seen them. I know they've missed them as well. But anyways. I love these kiddos. :)

The week after that, we had our friends from Keesler come up. So much fun! I have missed them so incredibly much. I didn't realize just how much I'd missed them until they got here! It had been about 9months since we had seen them last. :(  We had an incredible visit, I cooked a lot, and we just enjoyed their company. I cried when they left. Oh it hurt. I felt like I had left keesler all over again. It was so hard to pull myself out of it. I was on the verge of being depressed--and thats never a good feeling. I broke down with Daniel. I miss those 6 months we were at keesler-minus him being in tech school. Idk it was different there. Here--I feel alone. I have a couple of friends...but I just feel lonely. :\ Its harder here.

on the other hand, there are a lot of good things going for me right now. one of those being--I got a personal trainer! I had my first session this past monday. It was an eval, so thats nice. but he's only $20/session and doesn't have a contract, so if I can't afford him, then I just don't go that week--no harm no foul. Love it. He's super nice too.  I also have never had a complete stranger be so encouraging. You want to know what he told me? First off he told me he was impressed with me. Which...I was slightly taken aback at first (meaning he had preconceived notions based off my weight), but then I was proud at what my body had accomplished and I knew thats what he meant as well. Second--he told me that I was going to do amazing things. BAM. i almost cried. haha (i have been an emotional wreck this week, sooo sue me). I've never had someone that was a complete stranger tell me anything like that before. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know who I am--really. We met, he did my eval, bam done. So for him to tell me I'm going to do amazing things... just wow. I felt so happy the rest of the day and fully encouraged. God knew I needed that boost of confidence. ;)

So I'm planning on seeing him 2x/week--as we can afford it. I'd love to do his 6 month nutritional program...but we dont have an extra hundred bucks laying around--boo. i'm going to try to save up for it. :)

I've also been fighting a LOT of headaches--especially this last week. I'm assuming either because a) something is out of alignment in my back or b) i'm sleeping funny...or c) i'm clenching my teeth AND sleeping funny. all i know is I'm sick of it. haha ibuprofen, naproxen, tylenol, excedrin... i've tried it all. lol even claritin, zyrtec, and sudafed. and peppermint YLEO--which now i probably can't live without because it is amazing! lol

but anyways. I guess thats really it for today. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. been trying to post a blog for like..2 weeks but couldn't really find the words to say. :\ i do apologize for me jumping to random subjects. lol a tad scatterbrained today. I need a vacation. *sigh*

Hope you guys are having a terrific week.

Its Never Easy

Wow, these last few weeks have been crazy. I started my new job back in the beginning of April, and that keeps me pretty busy. I'm working about 40ish hours most weeks (sometimes only 30, but for the most part, 40), so its been pretty much full time. I have been trying to get to the gym and cook and clean and most of the time? Cleaning goes amiss.

I've been feeling rather discouraged lately. Today a lot more than usual. I don't know, I just feel like my weight is never going away--and thats a terrible thing. If I think this way, it makes me sad...sadness doesn't help me, it hurts me. I get so frustrated. I've been the same weight for the last 3 weeks. I didn't lose anything on my 24 Day Challenge... I felt better, yes, but didn't lose anything. I've been working out consistently (at 430, mind you). We eat clean... we haven't eaten out since David's graduation last weekend--which really is a feat for us...and we hadn't eaten out in a week or so prior to his graduation...so we've been doing really good. I DONT UNDERSTAND.

I'm so frustrated right now. I just... I dont know. Maybe its because I'm so stressed all the time? I try to relax, but theres always so much going on and I can hardly do anything anymore. Its stressful trying to carve time to go to the gym. I NEED to go to the gym more not less. I can't. :\ Idk if I need to add more? I dont want to burn out, but I also NEED to lose this. I need it to be gone. I'm so tired of trying at this point. I know its not going to happen overnight, but its just frustrating. I feel like I've been with this constant battle for years and getting NOWHERE.

Daniel and I finally decided when we would stop preventing, so in other words, start trying to start our family. When I hit 175. I feel like thats never going to happen at this point. We set up little mini goals. my first one? To get past 230. I'm supposed to be at that goal by the 18th. I should have been down to 231 or 232 for that to happen. I'm not. I've been sitting at 234-237 for the past month. I'm. SO. over it. I don't know. I try. I really do. We eat so good when we're home. Going back and forth between my nanny job doesn't help, but its not that bad. I usually take my own food with me so i will have plenty of healthier options to eat (instead of always eating the baby's food--lol that used to be my biggest downfall when i'd babysit!!!) but for some reason i never budge.

I've been thinking a lot about sugar lately. Maybe I should cut it out? I eat a lot of berries, greek yogurt, and bananas--though after entering a banana into MFP--i have already cut back on those a TON. they have over 40g of sugar in ONE BANANA. ridiculous. Never would have guessed it... I just dont really know how to cut back on it while still enjoying it...If i completely cut it out--that automatically sets me up for failure...because I'm putting a big YOU CANT EAT THIS label on it...so therefore--reverse psychology kicks in and i'm like MUST EAT ALL OF IT I CAN. lol I dont know.

I'm just really feeling discouraged.  I'm just tired of it. I wish I could just wish it all away. :( I'm ready to start my family, and I'm the one holding us back. :(

Thats all for today I guess. I can't really think of anything else.

-Beth

Allons-y!

Ah, my favorite phrase from my favorite Doctor. ;)  He would use this phrase all the time when he was entering an area he'd never entered, when he was facing any new battle or challenge. I figured this was a fitting title to my post today. My definition of Allons-Y is the equivalent of "here goes nothing!"

Its been about two months since I posted last. Not too much has changed, but there are some things going forward that yes, I am terrified of. Yes, there will be new challenges. yes, I am ready for it. so?

ALLONS-Y!

I am ready for it. I have a new found hope to my weight loss. I know I know, you guys have heard me go back and forth. But.... the thing is... I never admitted to myself why I was having so much trouble. Until the other night. Hubs and I were doing our devotional (Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs--fantastic one! get the workbook too!) and we were discussing some things that he needed to work on according to the book...and it got us talking about some things I needed to work on...and all of a sudden I said it. What I guess I knew at the back of my mind, but never admitted, even to myself. 

"I don't believe in myself."

Let me just tell you, coming to that realization.... admitting it to myself and to my husband... it was hard. Once I realized what I said, I broke down. Its true. I dont believe in myself. I dont think I can do it. I realized that is what has been holding me back. As soon as I start to get in a good habit and start doing well, I freak out and stop trusting myself and God.... I let myself fall backwards. I can't do that anymore. Something happened that night when I admitted that to myself. I have felt like a new person, felt like I can do this...because of course, my husband was very adamant about how much he believed in me and how he KNEW i could do this. 

Why don't I believe in myself? Well, to be honest--its all in my past. I grew up overweight, in an overweight family. My friends were, for the most part super skinny. I grew up watching them wishing I could be that weight, but at the same time going home and eating whatever I wanted. We ate starches and breads with our big portions of meat. I ate ice cream like it was going out of style. I tried all the fads out there, and would gain the little I lost back. I didn't allow myself to venture into the unknown territory, and now, I have a fear of it. Some may say thats crazy, but its a true fear. I want to have children, but I need to lose weight before I get pregnant. That KILLS me. Because when I think i can't lose the weight, then i start thinking "omg, i'm never going to have babies of my own." And thats not good for me.

But, like I said, this God-sent message to myself....I needed to say it. I needed to admit it. Because now? I know how to FIGHT it. I may still have a hard time believing in myself (hey, its only been 3 days!), but I know why I'm having issues. I know the root of it. As long as I stay in the Word, my husband encourages me like he's so good at, and I surround myself with friends who want the same things--i'll get there. As I reach goals, I'll start believing in myself again. Its just hard to do after so many "failures."  

I have started Weight Watchers again. I did so well on it when I was consistent with it. So as long as I stay consistent, set goals like I did for Daniel's BMT grad, and really hunker down on what foods I'm making, I should be good as gold. :) 

My first goal? I would like to be 15-20lbs down by April 7. I start my new job as a nanny that day. :) (Like i said, lots going on, new challenges, should be fun!) That gives me about 7 weeks to lose it, so thats about a 2lb/week loss minus the first week or two which should be slightly higher losses (*hopefully*).  Lets hope I start believing in myself soon, right? 

Started out this morning with a gym workout with my amazing hubs. Yes, we got out in the FREEZING COLD rain/sleet at 5 AM to workout. was I happy about it? NOPE. I wanted to curl back up in my warm bed and sleep. Did I push myself anyways? Yup. :)  I did two laps jogging, one lap walking, two laps jogging, one lap walking, 2 laps sprinting the short sides/jogging the long sides, walked a lap, 2 laps sprinting short sides/jogging the long sides, walked 1/2 lap, jogged short sides, sprinted one long side, walked half lap, jogged short sides, sprinted one long side, then did a walking cool down for 2 laps. so that was a total of 15 laps (on a 0.1mi track) in about 30 minutes. I'd say it was a pretty good workout...i was surely sweating up a storm!  I was supposed to swim later, but I'm pretty sure the roads are going to be an icy mess. Maybe I'll just do some planks, cruches, and pushups later. :) 

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over the next year! They will be exciting, difficult, fun, and wonderful. Here's to challenges! 

Allons-y!

-Beth

One Fast, Crazy Year.

Wow! I can't believe its already been a year since Daniel left for basic. Its been such a whirlwind year--from the lonely anniversary and Christmas, to bmt graduation, to moving to Keesler, moving to Ga, and all the fun stuff in between. I can't even put into words how blown away I am at all that has happened this last year.

Our last kiss before he got on the bus to BMT

As most of you know, this time last year I was a mess. I didn't cry when he left-I kissed him goodbye and watched as his mom and aunt lost it. I stayed strong. I didn't even cry when I got home. It wasn't until we said goodbye on skype the night before he got on that plane to San Antonio that it really set in "Oh my...this is really happening."  We had our tears on the call, we said our goodbyes. And then he was off to become an Airman. That was 2 days before our 3rd wedding anniversary. That was an extremely hard day. The few of you who were able to see me, you know I was completely beside myself. So I was depressed for a few days there...but I had a voicemail from Daniel that really helped. The first phone call came Christmas Day around 7p---while we were eating dinner. I literally flew off the couch (mom and dad can testify to that--LOL) and ran to my room. I stayed strong that entire call, I was so happy to hear his voice. I just wanted him to talk...

So thats how the first couple weeks went. I waited for the phone to ring. I worked out. I tried to busy myself. As the time got closer to his BMT graduation, I was getting more and more antsy. I bought my plane tickets super early (I knew he wasn't gonna get recycled! He's too good for that! :P), made plans to get my hair done, pictures done, everything...then patiently waited for Feb 12.

BMT Graduation weekend was CRAZY. I got to see him on Valentine's Day (best Valentine's present ever!), and I was beyond happy. It went by super fast. I found out that I was moving to Keesler that day, but we had no idea when. We spent time with his family on Friday after the Graduation parade, ate at Chilis (one of our *used to be* favorite restaurants), and just relaxed. Saturday the two of us went to downtown San Antonio and the Riverwalk. it was gorgeous. We ate some good food, walked around, and just spent some time being us. Sunday we went to Cheddars and then went back to the hotel to be lazy. It was so hard to say goodbye that night. The only thing we knew was we'd be together again soon.

Us and our pup, Titan, on Biloxi Beach

me and my girls Lani and Nichole

The first month of tech school went by fast--thankfully. He was able to text, skype, call, whatever he wanted--whenever he wanted outside of duty hours. I finally was able to move March 19. Best day ever. Seeing him again for the first time in a month after the tease BMT grad weekend gave was fantastic--especially because we got the keys to our first house that day! We were so happy. Within 2 weeks of me moving there, he was able to move in with me. The next 6 months were fantastic, brutally hot, and filled with fun. I met new friends, I saw things I've never seen, I learned how to clean a 2 story 3-br house--and do it well (lol). I learned that sand is pesky and will follow you forever. We got our first puppy there. His name was Odin--he was precious...but due to an unknown infestation of hookworms at the time we got him--he died 4 days later.  A week later we decided to try again and went to the humane society--got a GS puppy because we thought thats what we wanted...... She turned out to be extremely aggressive and we were forced to return her--which is where Titan came in. He was the SWEETEST pup. The biggest of his brothers and sisters in the pen with him. And he's doing alright--lol. 9 months old now! I learned a lot about fitness there from one of my good friends...She gave me a bunch of workouts/circuits I can do in or out of a gym. I became addicted to Hobby Lobby, Michaels, and Starbucks (thanks girls. -.- lol). We made it through tech school easy peasy...but when it was time to leave--it was so sad.

everyone at dinner at BWW for my birthday

Graduation for tech school wasn't nearly as big as bmt. It was a small, intimate affair. We got to say goodbye to all of our friends. We all went out to dinner a few night prior. That very day we had our final inspection on our house--and passed with flying colors. We stayed in a TLF that was disgusting, and we got our stuff together. The morning after graduation--we hit the road. First stop--Brandon, MS to see Daniel's Aunts and grandmother. It was a good visit and I wish we could have stayed longer. After a couple days, we headed out to Tuscaloosa, AL to see Daniel's uncle and my brother. I love TTown. :) After a day or so there, we were off yet again to home. We were home for a whopping 2 weeks on RAP (recruiter assistance program). While we enjoyed being home and being able to see everyone--we definitely overstayed our welcome and probably will not stay longer than a week ever again unless we can stay in a hotel. IMHO. lol We ended up having to buy our first car while we were home because my suzuki decided it just had given up--lol. After RAP ended--we were off to our first duty station.

I've posted a little of whats been going on since we got here. I had the worst time adjusting. We got here and all the blinds were broken, the kitchen cabinets/counters were filthy, there were stains in the carpets, floors were disgusting--its a wonder this house passed inspection. We kept getting phone calls from the dealership where we bought the car saying we needed to come re-fill out paperwork--even though they KNEW we were in GA now. lol. It was  a stressful first couple of weeks. While I only had one friend, I longed for my friends from keesler. I hadn't really gotten to know my new friend here yet, and I lived vicariously through my friends who moved to Japan, Utah, and California. I know thats bad--but thats where my mind was. I was so sad here.

at the Christmas Party where we surprised everyone

3 months later--I'm doing much better here. I'm still not completely sold on this area--and I have my moments where I curse this town and its lack of EVERYTHING. But, I'm doing better. I have a few friends here, but I'd rather have a few good friends than a ton of acquaintances. We had Thanksgiving here this year and had a few people over. It was fun, but I probably wont do it again unless I get monetary help from all parties coming. It tanked us. lol. (mad props to those who do it every year and can afford it!). Since then we've had not a lot going on...Just trying to get some Christmas this year for everyone. We were actually able to get everyone something--God has blessed us more than we thought this month. :) We just got back on Sunday from a quick trip home to surprise Daniel's family at their annual Christmas party. It was so much fun. I loved the look on his mom and aunt's face when we surprised them. I also got to surprise my bestie--which was 20x more awesome! lol she about knocked me over when she realized it was me! :P She graduated this weekend from UAH for Nursing--so I was super proud and HAD to see her. :)

my little man, CJ on our trip home

This week is short--thank God! Daniel works today and a half day tomorrow--then he's off until the 30. :) We have our 4th wedding anniversary on Thursday (can't believe that either--4 years already!!!), and then on Saturday we head to our grandparents in Bham--then home for Christmas! Its going to be fantastic! Daniel opened one gift this morning because it was his AF Anniversary gift. Cleats so he can play gatorball with the shop for PT, and a morph mug (changes color on a 8-bit pixel heart when hot liquid is put in there). He was so happy. :)

But anyways--as you see--its been a crazy year. We've had fun times, sad times, times where I was thoroughly over the AF, times where I hated myself for that. We've seen friends come and go, built new relationships that will last a lifetime, and grown in our own marriage. We've gotten a puppy and a kitten, learned what its like to lose a pet after trying so hard to save it. We've figured out when we want to start a family, and we're working towards those goals. We have learned so much about ourselves and each other--we are different than when this started a year ago. We are better than we were a year ago.

I used to look at military spouses and be like "i could never do that. i'm not that strong." This past year has taught me that I AM that strong. I can do this. A deployment will be hard, a TDY will be tough, but as long as we are together again when it ends--nothing else matters. Keep busy, and treat it like its BMT all over again. I know I can handle it now. I know it'll be hard, but I know I can do it.

Anyways--i know a nice long post! But its been a busy year. ;) Thats all for now.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

-Beth-

Thanksgiving

Its that time of year again! The time of the year where all thoughts of dieting and working out pretty much fly out the window. That time of the year where everyone is happy and full of the giving spirit--well, for the most part at least. 

I love this time of the year. I love the fall colors, I love the cooler weather, I love spending time with family. While I'm sad that I wont be able to go to MS with my family for Thanksgiving this year, I am so thankful that I'm being able to share it with friends that aren't able to go home. Its been a real difficult week trying to get all the groceries needed on our limited budget, but we were able to. I'm looking forward to it. 

We also get to go home in 3 weeks, so thats helping. Daniel got leave approved for Dec 19-29! :) so we will hopefully get to do something for our anniversary AND go home. hopefully. We really want to go somewhere since on our anniversary last year he was at BMT.  

Its been interesting here so far. I'm still struggling with getting acclimated here, but i'm working on it. We finally got pictures put up on the walls, and our curtains...and we get to put up our Christmas tree on Saturday! I am excited! :) I love Christmas decorations and this is the first year we actually have a REAL tree (and by real i mean a decent size, fake tree--lol!) and decorations! I'm going to buy lights tomorrow most likely! :) hooray! :P

Other than that, nothing is really happening in our world. Just trying to make the most of everything that gets thrown at us and enjoying spending time together. 

To end this rather short post (i thought I had more to say today, but apparently not) I'll do the usual cliche list:

What I am thankful for:

1) I am thankful for my husband. He is my rock, my coach, my cheerleader--he is my everything. He knows     how to make me smile even when i dont think I can. He listens, he understands, he loves unconditionally. I     am so thankful for him. 

2) I am thankful for the AF. They may not always do what I want them to do, but they have given my               husband a job he enjoys, a stable job. They have allowed us to make friends that I would have never met     if we had not joined. They have given us more than I expected, and as irritated as I get with them, I am    very grateful. 

3) I am thankful for my family. They have been supporting us from day one, and I am so grateful. Its hard           being away from them, but they try to talk to me as much as possible...and some days I call my mom what     seems like 100 times a day because I just miss her and want to hear her voice--thankfully she puts up with     it! lol

there is so much that i am thankful for this holiday season, those are just the top few. I guess i should probably get to cleaning or cooking or something now. lol  I have to make my famous mashed potato casserole today! and get our bathrooms and carpets cleaned. (funnn)

talk to you all later. :) 

Brave

"You can be amazing, you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug. You can be the outcast, or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love. Or you can start speaking up. Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do when they settle 'neath your skin. Kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes a shadow wins. I wonder what would happen if you say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out--Honestly, I wanna see you be brave with what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be brave."
--Brave by Sara Bareilles--

I came across this song about a week ago while I was trying to scramble to get new songs to workout to. I am sooo in love with it. It is saying everything I needed to be told for years. Be brave. Speak up. Dont let them walk all over you. I wish this song had come out while I was in high school....the Lord knows I just sat there quietly. Like Katy Perry says in "Roar:"

"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath--scared to rock the boat and make a mess...So I sat quietly, agreed politely. I guess that I forgot I had a choice, I let you push me past my breaking point. I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything."

These two songs...they have really helped me over the past few weeks. I've been struggling with being here. I've been having a hard time... and these songs? They are awesome. Katy Perry is not usually one of my favorite go-to artists, but that song...idk. it hit home. because here? I'm over it. "you held me down, but I got up--already brushing off the dust.....you held me down, but i got up--get ready cuz i've had enough!"  I mean, I'm ready. I'm working my butt off to lose this weight. i finally have the motivation, the strength, the courage. I'm ready to change.

I started this journey at a whopping 250+. I am currently at 227. 2 lbs away from losing 25. I could have probably been 50lbs down by now had I actually worked the entire 6 months I was at keesler, but...we all know how change goes. Here--theres nothing to do...so I workout. Well, I was working out...until I stupidly tried to run a 5k last week without "training up for it." -.- that was stupid. Though, I am proud of myself because I learned 2 things about myself:
 1) I CAN RUN A 5K STRAIGHT! No walking!
 2) I love running outside. Love it. never thought that would happen, haha.

I am a much stronger person than I was in high school. I've learned a lot over the past 5 years...wow..5 years since I graduated? dang. I'm getting old. lol. Daniel has had a lot to do with that. When I met him, I was still this shell of a person. Now? I am so much happier and I am so thankful for Daniel pulling me out of my "funk" and being as encouraging as he is. That one day we went out and ran together, he was constantly saying "Babe, if you just run a little farther, you would have run a whole mile," "come on baby, you have almost run a mile and a half without stopping! you got this," "babe! you just ran 2 whole miles without stopping! I am so proud of you!" he just didn't stop encouraging me the entire run. I have never had someone do that for me before, it showed me just how much he loves me. He's always encouraging me... I've never been more thankful. I couldn't do this without him and his support.

I say all this rambling because this is what it means to be brave. Taking a chance, a risk, and hoping that it will better you and those around you. You never know whats going to happen. Daniel joining the AF was brave--we dont know whats going to happen, but we trust God, and we went for it. Now we're stationed in GA, not our first pick, but I know we're here for a reason. Even if it was only to meet the amazing people I've met already. We are taking it one day at a time and making the most of our time here, even though the government has been stupid lately. This shutdown doesn't help my stress levels, thats for sure.

Anyways, I hope you guys all can agree--sometimes you have to be brave in order to achieve what you want. Even if that means standing up to the people who put you down, facing a problem you have been avoiding your whole life (like my weight), or just going after what you want. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

I hope you all have an amazing day. Be amazing. Be yourself.

Love you guys,

Beth